Lips of an Angel
by BrokenWingsDontFly
Summary: It started with a phone call and, actually, he wasn't supposed to pick up. But he did and it ended up changing everything. Massie x Derrick.
1. The Unexpected Phone Call

**Disclaimer: **

I don't own the Clique. If I did, it would still be a Massington

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><p><strong>Lips of an Angel<strong>

**Summary: **It felt so good to hear her saying his name, not in disgust or hate, but in astonishment. It struck something inside of him and, not for the first time, he started to wonder what could have been.

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

**The Unexpected Phone Call**

_It's so good to hear your voice sayin my name, _

_It sounds so sweet,_

_Coming from the lips of an angel,_

_Hearing those words it makes me weak,_

It was early Autumn, almost time to put the warmth of summer in the past and embrace the cold, chilly months ahead, an action Derrick Harrington detested and was dreading more and more every day. Every changing leaf crunching under his Timberlands was just another reminder of how close it was to what he referred to as 'the Dark Months'. The 'Dark Months' mean no more sun-basked memories, no more romantic beach moments with his girlfriend, his hair dulling from the lack of sun into more of a brownish color instead of a tarnished gold and, worst of all, the soccer finals coming soon and ending in the blink of the eye.

Which would mean that for the rest of the year, all the way up into graduation day, he had nothing to distract him from school work after October 21st, the precise day of the soccer finals. If the Tomahawks got that far.

Stuffing his hands in his jeans, he kicked at the patch of dirt in front of him in agitation.

"If you do that again, my mom's gonna freak," a voice called and he turned to see Dylan, his girlfriend since last April, leaning against the iron gate in front of her house, smirking slightly.

"Hey, you," Derrick said, walking over to her and kissing her. "You do enjoy teasing me, don't you?"

She laughed, looking up at him, "You make it oh so easy."

"Really?" This surprised him. He knew she was joking, but he just wondered if she actually thought that.

"Yeah. I mean, I can read you like a book. I know exactly what you're gonna do if I say something. It's like I'm psychic or something," she replied, her eyes twinkling. Absent-mindedly, she pulled at a curl of his hair.

"Really?" he mumbled, his eyes looking into hers and moving his lips against her neck. "What am I gonna do now?" he breathed.

Dylan laughed shakily. "I don't know, but I'm gonna go watch the movie. If you want you can come." She maneuvered around him easily and started walking across the absurdly big private yard to the gleaming stone steps.

After pausing a few moments, Derrick followed her, the wind tousling his hair when he looked back at the iron gate where he had cornered her, then up to the steps, where the door was now ajar and he could see Dylan walking into the livning room, his face tightening up in confusion.

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><p>"Honey, that's fantastic, but it doesn't answer my question," Dylan sighed into her iPhone, barely covering her annoyance. Derrick stared at the TV, pretending to be interested in whatever chick flick Dylan chose. The two of them were lounged across a comfortable sofa, a tub of popcorn on the ground and two cokes opened on the table.<p>

It had been going pretty good, besides the entire thing with her pulling away at the gate, until Claire called and wouldn't stop, even though Dylan texted her that she was with Derrick. Even a guy gets that that means to leave them the hell alone.

"No, no, I think it's great that….Claire. I was just saying I thought it was great that you and Mass went shopping, but I just need to know if I need to pick you up Friday for K's poetry reading." There was a pause and Dylan rolled her eyes, looking apologetically at Derrick. Then she turned her attention back to the phone and made an impatient noise. "Yes, it's the new café. Really nice place…what? Claire, I don't really give a crap who is gonna be there, it's about supporting a friend, not going on a social outing. Jesus."

She dropped her phone with a satisfying clunk on the mahogany table before taking a sip of her coke. "Sorry, Claire just doesn't know how to shut up sometimes." Dylan snuggled closer to Derrick. Within minutes, her green eyes closed and she was asleep. Derrick sighed. Her mom had pushed Dylan to do the IB Diploma and it seemed to exhaust Dylan, even in the third week of school.

Sighing, he finished out the movie in silence.

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><p>Dylan was still sleeping when it was over and Derrick felt quite awkward. He didn't want to leave without saying goodbye and it felt so stalkerish to just watch her sleep. So he did the obvious thing: started playing BlackOps.<p>

He'd left it at Dylan's when Sammi went freaking psycho and tried to throw away all the 'brutal, blood-thirsty evil video games.' He shook his head. _Girls_.

Somewhere in between blowing up things, Dylan's phone started ringing. "Damn it," Derrick said, promptly dropping his control stick and jumping up from where he was sitting cross-legged on he carpet. He loved Dylan to death, but when she woke up before she was ready, she scared the bejesus out of him. Talk about a temper. He grabbed the phone, fumbling with the buttons. He accidentally pressed the green thing which accepted the call.

Oh well. He knew most of her friends pretty well. Actually, there was a time when he knew a few of them really well. He'd just say Dylan was sleeping.

Putting the phone to his ear, he sat back down, trying to gun down someone hiding behind a building. But what he heard on the other end was so surprising, it made him drop the controller.

Crying.

Not like full-out sobbing, but that little sniffling thing people did when they tried to convince everyone they had allergies. What the hell? Before he could say something, the person on the other end start talking.

"Oh God, Dyl, I needed to talk to you so bad, I just need someone to talk to." There was a drawn out pause. "Dylan?"

Derrick cleared his throat awkwardly. "Um. No. She's um, sleeping."

"Derrick?" It felt so good to hear her saying his name, not in disgust or hate, but in astonishment. It struck something inside of him and, not for the first time, he started to wondered about what could have been. It knocked the breath out of him to think of where he might be right now, if only he didn't give up so easily. Funny how easily one word can make your whole world collapse.

"Um, yeah," he said, kicking the controller aside as he crossed his legs. "Hi, Mass."

Out of nowhere, a sniper got him by surprise, hitting him in the only place he wasn't protected well, the place he thought no one would ever find.

The TV was muted, but he still jumped a bit when someone threw a grenade and the whole damn place exploded.

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><p><strong>Sooo? What did you think? There was a kinda gushy Dylington part, eughh. I love all pairings, but I love Massington so much, all other -ingtons suck in comparison. <strong>

**Reviews, please? That would make me happy.**

**Thanksss **

**Just fyi- the song is Lips of an Angel by _Hinder_. It's great. You should check it out. The entire story's kinda based on it, but I might use some other song lyrics, idk yet. **


	2. That Voice

**Chapter Two**

**That Voice **

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><p>Massie Block slammed the front door and scrambled upstairs, hoping to make it to the privacy of her room before anyone noticed she was home. She tripped up one of the stairs and hit her knee hard, but that didn't stop her. Finally, after fumbling with the knob, she was in her paradise, her happy place, her safe haven. The door slammed shut behind her, the curtains were closed and she collapsed onto her bed, sobbing softly, cradling up into a ball and rocking back and forth, terribly out of rhythm.<p>

_You're Massie Block_, a confident voice said in her head. _Get the hell off that bed and get yourself together, girl. _The voice was so familiar, maybe because it was _her_, at least the before version of her. It was the bitch side of her, Alicia used to say, tossing her glossy hair over her shoulder before starting her explanation that inside every girl on the planet resided a bitch, capable of doing the incapable. But even Bitch Massie couldn't get her out of this fix. She sobbed even harder and Bitch Massie was drowned out by another voice.

_You're ugly. _

_You're worthless._

_You're nothing. _

_No, no, no! _Massie wanted to scream. _You're wrong! You're always wrong!_ But she couldn't say anything, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't control herself. She needed someone. Hysterical laughter bubbled out of her. _She _needed someone. Massie Block needed someone. It was humorless, really. Needing someone had gotten her into this. She didn't even know why this was happening to her. She was stronger than this, she was better than this, but why couldn't she cope with it?

She tried to stop her hand shaking enough so she could grab her Blackberry. Fingers still trembling, they skipped over the pad, misdialing twice before getting the right number. Dylan's number. She needed someone who would understand and be sympathetic. Someone who would be gentler, someone who had compassion. Alicia, well, she was still the Alicia she had been when Massie was Bitch Massie. She was loyal as hell, but not into touchy-feely stuff. Kristen wouldn't get it. She'd freak and K-freakouts where by far the worst. And Claire just didn't give a damn. She hadn't since her popularity status had boomed and she started turning into a self-centered bitch.

Massie might have been a lot of things when she was at the top, and she had definitely been a bitch time to time, but she was never one to her friends. Everyone needs someone and she thought needing her friends would be enough to get her through everything.

Claire didn't get that though, did she? It was all me-me-me and innocent-little-Claire-needs-the-spotlight and say-hello-to-my-three-obese-friends-called-my-ego. She'd even dumped Cam to go out with Dune Baxter, because Cam actually cared about her and wouldn't do it with her, wouldn't be a monster like Dune and take her virginity while she was still in high school. Cam argued that she hadn't thought it through, but after he repudiated her twice, she tossed her hair, flipped him the bird and moved on. To him, doing It was a "big deal". To her, it was rite of passage to popularity. And the sad part was, Cam was still in love with her. Talk about pathetic.

She cringed. Talk about pot calling the kettle black, more like it. She really wasn't in a position to judge anybody. She felt a shiver pass through her and knew she had to do something before it got too bad. Kendra didn't need to be more worried. The last time, when Massie actually fainted, had almost given Kendra a heart attack. She was fine now, vacationing in some paradise with some new, young, 'assistant'. However, she did say if Massie needed her, just to call. They could talk, something they hadn't done in a long time. Kendra insisted she could cope with anything. True, more gray hairs had appeared since, and seeing as there was no need to age her prematurely, Massie declined the offer.

Kendra wouldn't understand, anyway. Massie needed someone compassionate. Not business.

Massie needed Dylan.

While the phone dialed, Massie pushed herself up into a sitting position, catching a glance of her in the mirror on her white walls. The girl in the mirror looked terrified, mascara streaking down her cheeks, eyes red and wary, every bone in her body trembling. The girl in the mirror looked _weak_.

Suddenly, rage coursed through her body—how _dare _this happen to her—and a tissue box smacked against the mirror, taking it down. She barely even registered that she had thrown it when Dylan picked up.

"Oh God, Dyl, I needed to talk to you so bad, I just need someone to talk to." Her voice was raspy and vulnerable. She paused for a moment, wondering why Dylan hadn't started answering already. Raw panic scraped through her. Did Dylan think she was worthless too? "Dylan?" Massie asked again, in a voice that she hoped hid the panic she felt. Her voice sounded restricted, clogged. Watery. Like salt tears stained her throat. Damn those allergies.

Someone cleared their throat. "Um. No. She's um, sleeping."

Massie almost dropped the phone. She knew that voice. It was the voice that haunted her past, tainted her present and, once upon a time, could have been her future. It was that voice that filled her dreams, that voice that shattered all the walls she'd ever put up, until he stopped caring. It was that voice she would never forget, because she never thought she would hear it again.

She'd known they were dating, but she'd avoided as much contact with him as possible. As a matter of fact, she barely talked to Dylan when he was there, which was painful, but it was too complicated already. Massie didn't like complicated. She liked simple. And she found it, but it turns out that simple gets complicated too sometimes.

"Derrick?" It was barely a whisper, but it was full of hope and longing and shock and a teeny tiny bit of betrayal, which was really strange because she had no feelings for him. None. Right? And her stomach wasn't filled with butterflies—it was just the bad sushi she barely touched at lunch. Totally.

But the thought of him witnessing her moment of weakness, well, it was just too much to bear. She sat up, ram-rod straight, tossed her hair and slipped back into control. She had admitted defeat so many times, she had been shown that she weak so many times, she had been the victim one too many times. And it was all Derrick Harrington's fault. Every night, she wished she could forget him, go back in time and warn herself, because then none of this would have happened. Deep inside, though, she knew, even if she had the chance, she never would.

Isn't it ironic when the part of your life you want to remember is the part you should forget?

"Um, yeah." There was a muffled sound, like someone kicking a bottle. "Hi, Mass."

Irony was a bitch.

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><p>There was a time when Massie Block's life was perfect in every single way. She'd ruled BOCD High School since the first day of freshman year. Even the older students inclined their heads to her sometimes; she had such absolute self-confidence you couldn't help respecting her. No one dared to throw anything at her on Freshman Fridays.<p>

She got decent grades, was the star on the track team, yearbook editor, and the list could go on forever. Some people bitched about her and hated on her, but only because they were jealous. The one thing everybody agreed on, though some grudgingly, was that Massie Block could achieve the unachievable.

Massie believe that too, once upon a time, before she realized that she was only human.

And sometimes even the strongest human breaks.

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><p><strong>*Gasp* What happened to our Massie Block? Hehehe, ahh more to come in the next chapter. <strong>

**I promise I'll update soon because this was basically a filler, just Massie's POV on Chapt. 1. She's changed hasn't she? Anyone wanna guess what she's been through? **

**R&R anyone?**

**Also, need a lil feedback here—anyone thing it was too gushy or too feely? I promise the next chapt. will be more dialogue. Like I said, this was a filler :D **


	3. Derrick's Lady Problems

**Chapter Three**

**Derrick's Lady Problems **

Derrick Harrington walked ducked into his homeroom classroom—it was just a habit; he and Cam used to duck into every classroom in freshman year because they lost a bet and now it just stuck— and then slumped down in his 'seat'. This year, he had gotten Mr. Hanson again, the music teacher, for homeroom and the classroom where they met was where the orchestra practiced after school. That meant no desks, no chairs, just stands and this weird elevated steps. Not to mention the classroom was _tiny_.

"Hey, bro," Chris Plovert called from the back row (of course—Plovert was the biggest troublemaker Derrick knew).

"Sup?" Derrick nodded. He was stuck sitting on the first step, in the viola section, because apparently Mr. Hanson thought Chris and Derrick talked too much. Luckily, Hanson was late and that meant, for at least five minutes, Derrick had the freedom to walk around.

His chocolate brown eyes cut across the small room the corner where Cam Fisher was exiled to. After a quick look at the clock and measuring his odds, he dumped his backpack on his seat and hurried over.

Cam raised his eyebrow. "Dude, who lit your pants on fire?"

Derrick whacked him, "Shut up for a minute," he hissed, glancing furtively at the door. "Ineedyouradvice."

"_What_?" Cam said, looking at Derrick strangely. "Valentine's Day is in a couple of months, bro. No need to plan ahead. I told you last year, Dylan's cool with anything." Normally, the only time the guys asked Cam, the known romantic (though he was ironically hopeless at love himself), for advice was around the dreaded day of February 14th .

"What are you girls talking about over there?" hollered Plovert, causing the entire class, all fifteen students who had either been too busy chatting or scribbling homework due next period to notice them whispering.

Derrick narrowed his eyes at Plovert. "Nothin, just talking about the bet of when you'd finally get a girlfriend. Fisher put me down for two years, but I was telling him I wanna change it to three. You haven't made any progress since sixth grade and I'm seriously starting to doubt that two years will be enough time."

Snickers rose throughout the room and Plovert turned beet red exactly as Mr. Hanson came through the door.

"Well, Derrick," Hanson said, leaning against the door frame, "I don't remember giving you permission to choose your own seat." He looked pointedly to the patch of step that was Derrick's and, between 3:45 and 4:30, Clara the violist's.

_Later_, he mouthed to Cam and got a nod in return, even though Cam looked baffled. Plovert was seething in the back of the room, but he shrugged it off. Served him right for being such an ass pain.

"So," Hanson said, walking over to the whiteboard in the middle room and squeakily erasing the music notes that decorated it, "you are all probably all too aware of your last year of high school. You're probably all thinking about the prom, the graduation dresses and the after parties and crazy, crazy college life. Well, just so you know, you're not out yet. As a matter of fact," his gaze cut to Derrick, then Plovert and lastly, Cam, "some of you might be stuck repeating a grade."

Cam rolled his eyes and Plovert muttered, "Asshat.", making the long-haired girls in skinny jeans and Abercrombie jackets sitting in a cluster titter with laughter. Everyone loves a class badboy, apparently, Derrick thought grudgingly. If you didn't get to know Plovert and his sick, twisted personality, then he guessed Chris was pretty okay by girl standards. They just seemed to flock towards him. Until, of course, he cracked one of those sexist kitchen jokes, and then the girls didn't deign to look at him.

"Out, Mr. Plovert," Hanson sighed, pointing to the door. Huffing, Plovert sauntered out to the door, full of attitude and swagger, pausing only to turn and flip his golden hair, winking at the cluster of girls. Derrick groaned inwardly. Plovert and his groupies. He wished Chris would just get a girlfriend already. He couldn't stand another year of girls fawning over Chris and then looking at him in disgust.

"As I was saying," Hanson said as the door slammed behind Plovert. They could vaguely see him making faces in the window, jumping up and down. "Before Mr. Plovert, of whom I've had the horror of being stuck with for two years,"—at this, Plovert flipped him the bird and stuck out his tongue, making the girls giggle even more. Two even blushed. Hanson seemed to take this in stride, smiling that he'd finally gotten a student to laugh— "interrupted, I was just about to tell you about the Senior Projects. They're a BOCD tradition. There's the," he uncapped and pen and started writing across the board, talking measuredly, "Time Capsule. The…Wall of…2012. And, lastly…Senior Appreciation Day." He turned back to look at the class, the girls quickly looking away from the door, blushing even more. Hanson frowned, looking at the 'empty' window frame.

Derrick drowned Hanson out as he started talking about the importance of remembering where they came from and what they've been through, that actions and events made them who they are, blah blah blah, that these projects would make you remember your senior year even more, etc, etc.

He started, without wanting to, think about Massie. Not that he liked her or anything. He chalked up his bizarre reaction to hearing her voice yesterday to just plain shock. He'd barely talked to her since freshman year, when he'd broken things off. He'd see her every now and then, in the hallway or at Starbucks, or at the mall (when one of his temporary girlfriends dragged him there) and they'd chat for a little bit.

They never actually started hating each other until a few months later, when Derrick and Olivia did it and then when that washed over, they barely saw each other. Then he was with Dylan and he didn't see her for those entire nine months. Nine months and counting, he hastily reminded himself.

He felt bad, though, when he heard Massie crying—which was shock itself, since he'd never seen her cry before. He wasn't extra hateful or cruel to her, he'd just…forgotten about her. Kinda. Sometimes, she just popped into his mind, a little unsolved mystery which he carefully tucked away.

The entire conversation replayed in his head, from the moment he picked up the phone, til he whispered her name and until she paused, disbelief radiating from the phone and then hung up. Part of him wanted to call her back, find out why she was crying, and part of him knew it wasn't his place. Let her boyfriend deal with that crap. Or Alicia or Kristen. He'd told Dylan when she woke up, bleary-eyed and she said she'd call Mass back. And then Derrick had left, uneasily, feeling as if he was missing something terribly important.

"Derrick? Derrick." Hanson's voice was growing increasingly impatient. "Derrick!"

His blond head snapped up and he made an unflattering noise that sounded like, "Whahu?'

Hanson rolled his eyes. "I really need a raise."

"Or a life!" Plovert's muffled voice echoed through the door. Cam snickered, earning himself an evil eye from Mr. Hanson.

"I was just asking you about what memories you were planning to take with you from BOCD," Hanson said, "but this discussion is obviously not as interesting as staring at the floor."

The honor role nerds laughed into their palms and Derrick felt the urge to punch them, but doing that would just give Hanson more satisfaction and a solid reason to suggest that Derrick should be held back a grade, which he already did once. If he got into a fight now, he'd probably have to kiss his diploma good-bye.

"Um, no, actually," Derrick said, gritting his teeth as he tried to sound sincere, "there's nothing on here but gum and crap. This is actually, um, kinda…interesting?" He looked at Hanson, hoping he bought it.

Hanson raised an eyebrow. "Well then, Derrick, why don't you tell us what you're going to miss most about high school."

"Dylan," Derrick said automatically. Some of the girls rolled their eyes, annoyed. Derrick had dated at least two of them, not seriously, somewhere in between breaking things off with Massie and before he and Olivia did it.

"Ah, young love," reminisced the teacher sarcastically and Cam snickered into his palm. Derrick glared at the teacher, vaporizing him over and over again in his mind. Screw getting kicked out of school. He was so getting even with Hanson for that.

Then, thankfully, before Derrick could do anything questioning his intelligence, the PA buzzed and Alicia Rivera's voice warbled through with the morning announcements.

Derrick leaned back against the step, thinking about how on earth he could say what he needed to say to Cam without sounding like a total douche. He ran a few threw a few different approaches in his head, wincing, because they sounded fake and shallow and selfish and also, because maybe he really was a douche. Only douches end up in fixes like his.

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><p>"So, what's up with you?" Cam asked, concern in his voice, stuffing a half-eaten muffin in his mouth. It was break, after a hellish period of math and then an equally boring period of science, and the two boys where cutting across the quad, waving at various people they knew, heading towards their table.<p>

"Well, it's complicated," Derrick stalled. After much debate inside his head, he still didn't know how to explain it to Cam. Wishing he'd thought of that before he'd shot his mouth of to Cam in the first place, he tried to gain some time by waving at a group of girls in front of the main office. But he could still feel Cam's eyes drilling into him.

"I hate this things," Derrick said, motioning to a poster taped up in between the sports trophy cases that said SENIOR APPRECIATION DAY. MAY 25th in bright pink, glittery letters. It was obviously made by a group of super excited girls. "It's October, for Christ sakes. We have about five months."

"Seven," Cam corrected, looking at Derrick strangely. "And you love those things. They remind you of how close we are to leaving this hellhole." He paused for a minute, realization dawning on him. "Oh, wait! You're _stalling_," he said in wonder.

Derrick growled. "No, I'm not."

"Yes, yes you are!" Cam said, pointing a crumb covered finger at him, elated.

"You look ridiculous," was all Derrick said to that, which was true. Cam had muffin all over his face and had the expression of a hyper, sugar-high five-year-old, which contrasted greatly with his black band t-shirt and baggy, ripped jeans.

Ever since Claire dumped Cam and did Dune, Cam, who had always had a dark musician side, was positively emo. The only songs he sang or strummed on his guitar were either covers from Secondhand Serenade (**A/N: **incidentally, I love every single song and I'm not emo) or sad, sorrowful instrumentals he came up with himself. He'd let his hair get longer and shaggier and seemed depressed most of the time, but that didn't stop the girls. There was always at least one; blonde, thin, non-virgin, cheerleader type.

"What is it?"

Derrick tried to walk over to where Josh Hotz, Plovert and Kemp Hurley were waiting, but Cam grabbed his arm, pulling him back. "What?" Derrick said, annoyed.

"You," Cam said, impervious to Derrick's obvious annoyance, "my friend, have girl problems." He was saying the words slowly, as if to cherish them. He still had that stupid grin on his face.

"I do _not_. You know what? Forget I asked for your advice." Derrick stomped over to their table.

"Whoa, dude, what got shoved up your ass?" Josh commented, not really sounding like he was expecting an answer. He shoved a bunch of Doritos into his mouth.

"Hey, give me some," Cam said, coming up behind Derrick and grabbing the empty bag from Josh, tilting his head back and shaking the bag so the crumbs fell into his mouth. "Guess what," he mumbled through a mouthful of crumbs, tossing both the empty back and his empty muffin wrapper on the table.

No one said anything, Plovert and Kemp engaged in a very serious round of who's-tits-are-bigger. This time it was between to poor, oblivious girls standing by their lockers, not knowing two perverted boys were comparing their chests and giggling like Todd. Josh was scowling down at his empty bag of chips.

Cam fidgeted around like an excited little kid. "Come on, guys!" he begged. Derrick shot him daggers.

"Fine, I'll bite. What?" Josh said, looking a bit amused to see Cam so excited. It'd been a while.

"Our man here,"—Cam slapped an arm over Derrick's shoulders, jostling him slightly. Derrick glared at him, that boy was _so _getting it later.— "has been having a few, ah, lady problems."

"Whoa, dude, did you start your period or something?" Kemp asked and Plovert cackled.

"No, no," Cam said, irritated, "that's not what I mean."

"Oh," Josh said, getting it. An eyebrow raised up. "Something going on between the Perfect Couple?" The Perfect Couple was what Plovert had started calling Derrick and Dylan sarcastically after they had been going out for five months, which was a week longer than when he'd gone out with Massie and three longer than Olivia. It had been a insider between the guys.

"No," Derrick sighed, spying Dylan's group of friends entering the quad, late as usual. He could make out Massie in the back, laughing and looking fine, as if nothing was bothering her. As if she hadn't just been crying the night before. "But have you ever that feeling, you know, that what if feeling?"

"The what if feeling?" Kemp repeated, looking quizzical. Plovert shot Derrick a look he couldn't quite place.

"You know, like what if things could have been a little different, if you could take back your biggest regret," Derrick said slowly, his mouth betraying his heart without his approval and he surprised himself with the words that fell out of his mouth. He tried to ignore the fact that Plovert was still giving him that look.

"Yeah," Cam said, his eyes on Claire, dressed in short shorts and a tight tank-top, as she broke away from the other girls and ran to Dune, the two of them making out passionately. "Yeah, I do."

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><p>It felt so good to laugh; laughter was truly the best medicine, Massie Block decided, smiling at her friends. Claire had left, probably to go screw with Dune, as usual, but the atmosphere was a bit lighter without her.<p>

She linked arms with Dylan, who was still laughing over some dumb joke. She was secretly glad Derrick had answered the phone; it was like a sign of the universe. He'd started all of this, and the rage that stirred up inside her as she conjured up a mental image of him just having a casual night with Dylan while she was dying inside was too much. But, somehow, enough to clear her head and give her strength. She didn't have to cave just yet. She still had some fight in her. And, ironically, she had Derrick to thank for reminding her of that.

But the euphoria that thought provided faded when she saw that Derrick was with the guys at their table. It wasn't a rule, but normally, during breaks and lunches, Dylan and Derrick either were by themselves or the guys were fooling around some place else, or Massie was with Landon, her boyfriend. She glanced, grudgingly in Landon's direction and met his cool gaze. Today, she decided, would not be a Landon day. They both needed space.

Sighing, she headed towards the table, ignoring Alicia gawking at her. Today would be her first mandatory encounter with Derrick in a long time. And she wasn't exactly looking forward too it. Bad sushi rolled around in her stomach, or maybe it was the flu. She'd been feeling queasy ever since Derrick picked up the phone, her stomach tumbling around strangely, like slushy rolling around in a washermachine. She frowned. Terrible comparison, sadly accurate though. Somehow, she couldn't shake the feeling that she'd felt like this before. Strange.

Blowing her bangs out her hair, she set her shoulders, held her head high, showing the world that Massie Block was capable of dealing with whatever it threw at her.

Appearances can lie. Just nobody needs to know it.

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><p><strong>Yayy! Longest chappie so far. Woot-woot, I'm excited. Hope you guys enjoyed. <strong>

**R&R? Thanks to all the reviews I got on chapt. two, you guys make my day! If it's not asking too much, I'd like a few more...? *goes down on knees and starts begging like a little kid***


	4. Rumors Spread Faster than Mono

**Chapter Four**

**Rumors Spread Faster than Mono on Valentines' Day **

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><p>Massie tried to ignore the fact that everyone in the quad had gone silent and was gawking at her as she made her way to the table that she had infamously claimed. Everyone knew that that was Massie Block's table and her group sat there—always. Sitting at that table was the ultimate <em>in <em>factor. No one questioned your status if you so much as brushed against one of the edges (without being stared down or yelled out by the amber-eyed Alpha). Massie focused on the spot that had been hers since freshman year; it gave her a piece of herself to remember.

She could feel everyone's eyes on her and she straightened her back, angled her face to show her good side and owned it.

It felt so damn good to be herself again.

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><p>Derrick eyes had to be popping out of his face; he <em>had <em>to be dreaming. Massie Block was willingly coming within a three foot radius of him? Hell must be freezing over. Dylan slid up to him, twining her arms around his neck, smiling up at him before coming in for a quick peck and then disentangling herself.

He cocked his head to the side, confused for many reasons. Mainly, Massie actually being near him, two, Dylan pulling away from him, which reminded him of three, Dylan pulling away from him in front of her house. Dylan looked quickly but pointedly at Massie, like that was supposed to solve his question.

"Oh my God!" Alicia shrieked, speed-walking and then sinking into Josh, who grinned up at her. "Josh! Guess what?"

"What, babe?"

"Well," Alicia started talking rapidly, totally unprofessional for someone who wanted to be a reporter, which usually meant she was pretty psyched, "my-parents-are-out-of-town. So-we-have-the-whole-house-to-ourselves!" **(A/N FF won't let me have no spaces in between)**

Dylan rolled her eyes and Kristen pinked; whatever Alicia and Josh did in their spare time was totally fine with them as long as it stayed between Alicia and Josh. Otherwise, it was kinda awkward.

"Can I come over?" Kemp asked, staring at Alicia's chest. "We can a menge trois!"

Josh scowled at him, punching on the shoulder. "That's my girlfriend, you ass."

"How was English?" Derrick asked, throwing his arm around Dylan, ignoring Josh and Kemp fake-fighting and throwing back insults that would probably be forgotten five minutes later.

"Totally boring," Dylan sighed. "But at the end it got kinda interested. Remember that loser, Dempsey Solomon? Well, he tried to hit on Mass at the end of the period—"

"Oh, are you telling him about Dempsey?" Kristen said, leaning around Cam, who she was talking to, and sat down on top of the table. "That was so hilarious!"

"Yeah, well, he tried to hit on Massie and he kept trying to prove how flipping macho he was and he ended up being super sexist and insulting, all like I-am-so-tough-I-can-protect-you-cause-you-are-too-weak and, God, he was being so _obnoxious _that Massie finally slapped him."

"His face was priceless," Kristen said, before erupting into her notorious phlegm-filled cackles. She flipped her hair over her shoulder, and then looked back at Cam to see if he was listening, but he had a forlorn look on his face, his eyes on Claire and Dune. "Don't torture yourself, idiot," Kristen breathed, barely loud enough for anyone to hear.

Massie smiled. "He's lucky I didn't beat him up," she joked, leaning against the table, not even catching what K said. Her eyes were flitting between Derrick, Dylan and the area in between the boys locker room and the café, where Landon Crane and his buddies hung around.

"Yeah, I bet the wrath of Massie is really scary to behold," Derrick joked back, before even realizing what he was saying, or who he was saying it too. Plovert looked at him again.

"Watch it, Harrington," Massie said, playing along, but he could see different, confused emotions flitting through those amber eyes, "or I might beat you up."

"Bring it on, Block," he teased, before remembering his arm was around Dylan and added, "My girlfriend will protect me."

"You wish," Massie laughed. "Dylan's on my side."

"Totally," Dylan said, smiling tightly, her green eyes for once unreadable. "I need to go to my locker. The bell's gonna ring soon."

but Derrick didn't notice how she turned and walked away, looking back, uncertainty shadowing her face. He didn't notice how her face crumpled slightly when he didn't follow her. He didn't notice envy and confusion grow in her eyes. He didn't notice any of that.

Because all Derrick could see was Massie smiling up at him for what seemed like the first time.

* * *

><p>Hushed silences followed Massie throughout the halls, but she refused to let their stupid mutterings intimidate her. So what if she had reconciled with her arch-enemy and ex? People raised the white flag all the time—there was even a freaking song about it! She was feeling better than she had in a while, and, yeah, <em>maybe <em>Derrick had a little bit to do with that, but everyone was taking it so damn serious. And seriously, how did they know about that already? Well, apparently a rumor had spread and it was just a rumor and the only thing it proved was that rumors spread faster than mono on Valentines' Day. And wait...weren't white flags just used to surrender? She gave a mental screamed and mentally pulled her hair out. It was so freaking stressful!

"Ehmagawd-did-you-hear-about-MassieandDerrick?" Carrie Randolph, the notorious fast-talker, whispered to her BFFs.

"I know!" squealed Alexandra.

"Poor Dylan," Livvy said, smiling in a way that contradicted her statement.

"Oh my _God_," Massie said, turning to face them, amber eyes vaporizing their self-esteem in seconds. "Seriously, grow up. Nuh-thing happened. It's a conversation, _nawt _a marriage proposal. Can you, like, please get a life and find something _real _to talk about."

All three of the girls froze and Massie couldn't blame them. She hadn't heard herself talk that way since 8th grade, when she was a hardcore bitch.

"Sorry," Livvy said stiffly while Alexandra and Carrie exchanged glances. "It just looked like—"

"It didn't look like anything," Kristen sneered, suddenly appearing behind Massie, her English stuff in one hand, making it clear she just got back from her locker. "Because it was nothing. Noooothing."

"Exactly," smirked Massie. Okay, maybe this was immature and stooping low, but it was familiar. And fun. Kinda.

It was definitely immature, Massie decided. And she felt more like a stuck-up bully than a cool alpha, which just showed how much people change from 8th grade, but she was so _sick _of people talking about her, making rumors about her, building her a reputation that she never wanted. She was so sick of people controlling events that already passed. And maybe it was an overreaction—hell, it was definitely an overreaction—but it felt so good to blame it on someone.

Her stomach dropped and the air seemed to suddenly become degrees below zero. Blame it on someone. Oh, God, no, she thought. I won't end up like that.

Mass and Kristen turned and headed towards their English classroom, Kristen tossing her head back and saying, "Oh and fyi—Dylan and Derrick have never been happier, bitches. So stop trying to fucking ruin their relationship with rumors."

Her moment of happiness seemed to shatter and rain down upon her, cutting her heart with it's shards.

* * *

><p>"Okay, spill, woman," Kristen said the minute she and Massie were alone in the deserted English room.<p>

"What?" Massie tried to look innocent. She pushed herself onto her desk, legs swaying slightly. Under normal circumstances, K and her would be caught dead in a classroom early, but nothing was normal today.

"First, sitting with Derrick and then _talking _to Derrick and then that bitchfight with Livvy and her loser friends? Mass, you've been acting so…strange, lately and this has been the first time that you actually seem like, well you. And I saw that little moment between you and Landon, so don't pretend all is good with Lover-boy," rambled Kristen, planting her hands on her hips and arching an eyebrow.

Massie sighed. "Jeez, K, take a freaking chill pill." She paused until Kristen dropped her arms with a humph. "First off, I was not sitting with Derrick and I had to talk to him. Seriously, I would have rather spent the break with Lame Layne," lied Massie, picking at a cuticle. Her insides felt microwaved the minute she insulted Layne. How could she have ever gotten joy out of putting people down?

"What about Landon?" Kristen shot back, obviously not buying it. She dumped her stuff onto her desk and then walked right up to Massie. "Hun, I love you to death, but relationship issues are not a valid excuse to flirt with someone else's boyfriend."

Wait, what? "What are you _talking_ about?" screeched Massie, before glancing at the open door. Was Kristen insane? "I am _not_," she hissed between gritted teeth, "into that douche. And I don't care what rumors people make up. They're not fucking true."

"If you really don't care," Kristen said, "then why are you upset that people are thinking that?"

"I'm upset because people just keep dumping on my life and get fucking high off of it. Also, my supposed best friend doesn't trust me."

"No." Kristen didn't even seem fazed, just brushing her bangs back casually. Her narrow eyes pierced Massie's. "You're pissed because you still have feelings for Derrick. And you're scared 'cause now everyone knows."

"You read waaaay to into things."

"I don't," K snapped back. Her voice softened. "I know a lot about unrequited love though. And trust me, I see it in both of you."

"Wait, how do you know so much about unrequit-" Massie stumbled over the word and the opted to just say "that love crap that goes in Taylor Swift's songs?"

"Easy," Kristen said, turning away from Massie, shadows splaying across her face until it was completely concealed in darkness. "Experience."

The bell let out a high pitched shriek and a herd of chattering students poured in before Massie could ask Kristen what she was talking about.

* * *

><p><strong>So sorry for taking so long! I know, it's been forever, but to make it up to you guys, next time I'll upload *2* chapters. Which I can do because I have a loooong weekend thanks to some Teacher workdays, yay! <strong>

**Ok. So you know the drill. Review and you get a free nonexistant popsicle! Thank you (: (I would do a heart, but FF doesn't let me :() **

**xx**

**Bree**


	5. Who do you want?

**Chapter Five**

**Who do you want? **

* * *

><p>The Bio room had always been loud, mainly since Mrs. Haylan was pretty lenient and rarely gave out detentions, but now it was positively deafening when Derrick Harrington came in. The instructions for their lab was already on the board and Mrs. Haylan was lounging at her desk, raising her eyebrow and making a check in the air to let Derrick know she would mark him five minutes late.<p>

"Hey," Derrick said, hustling to the table he shared with Josh, Alicia and Kemp, trying his best to seem oblivious to the looks and hushed tones that followed as he passed. By the third table, he knew something was wrong. Table three was filled with some 10th grade girls, who either hadn't realized he had a girlfriend or didn't care, because they always hit on him, which did wonders for his ego. But today, not a single glance. "What's up with everyone?" He slipped onto his stool, from Josh to Alicia to Kemp and then back again.

Alicia leaned across the table, knocking over a vial of something important and possibly dangerous, causing Kemp to yelp. "Okay, what is your game, Harrington?" Alicia hissed, ignoring Kemp and the you-better-be-careful warning glare Haylan shot her. "You royally screw up one of my best friends and _ruin _her life and now you're using her to hurt my other best friend? God, do you have mental issues or something?"

"What are you talking about?" Derrick was bewildered. He looked at Kemp and Josh for backup or a clue about what was going on, but Kemp was cleaning up the mess Alicia had made and Josh was straightening his non-wrinkled Ralph Lauren polo, obviously trying to stay out of it.

"Oh, _please_," Alicia snorted, waving a hand airily and ended up smacking Kemp in the face. "I'm not stupid. I know what you're doing, we _all_"she made a circle with her finger as if to include the entire class"know what you're doing. And seriously, I am extremely disappointed."

Derrick turned to Josh. "What has your girlfriend been smoking?" Alicia rolled her eyes and sat back and sighed in an exasperated way, like she couldn't believe he was being so difficult.

Josh looked up, eyes wide in innocence, feigning ignorance. "You talking to me?"

"Guys," Kemp huffed. "Why am I doing all the work here?"

"Because under that attractive head of yours, you have a brilliant mind," cooed Alicia, smiling sweetly at him until he gulped, beet red, and went back to mixing a cabbage indicator with some other important crap. The minute he was focused on his work, she fake-gagged.

"Twenty-five til clean up time," Haylan shouted. "And if your results are on my desk five minutes early, you get a lollipop." The table with 10th grade girls cheered while everyone else rolled their eyes.

"Tell me again," Alicia said, who had hated them since they tried to kiss-up to Alicia on the first day of class and then, after that failed, tried to get in tight with the guys, "how did those airhead manage to get into senior Bio?"

"Sweetheart," Kemp said, who had obviously gotten over his little hissy-fit, "we're doing cabbage indicators. This is not only children's play, but also chemistry. This subject is so messed up."

"Whoa, bro, back off my girl," Josh warned.

"Awh, I'm you're girl? That's so cute," beamed Alicia, genuinely this time.

"Alicia!" Derrick, who was starting to get tired of the weird looks coming his way and the way her eyes seemed to slice him times ten every five seconds, urgently whisper-yelled. "What is going on?"

"Ok, Derrick, I don't know where you're coming from, but it is seriously not cool to led people on," Alicia went on, as if he hadn't spoken. "I mean, if you don't like her anymore, just say it! And why are you bringing _her _back into everything? If you had one single clue how badly you screwed her…" She shook her head and put her hand to her heart, as if it pained her too much to continue.

"Whoa, slow down." Derrick mind was working fast. Everything seemed ready to fall into place, he just couldn't find the trigger. "Who are the hers?"

Kemp giggled. "Did you just say who are the whores?" He and Josh cracked up and high-fived. Derrick temporarily hated him for interrupting. He only had…he looked up at the clock…ten minutes left to pull a secret out of Alicia before she went to Spanish and he went to French, and it was like she was speaking some coded language. Well, he could give himself fifteen minutes, but then Kemp would hand in the results alone and Derrick wouldn't get a lollipop.

"Shut up." He turned back to Alicia. "Who. Are. You. Talking. About?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Alicia sighed. Her chocolate brown eyes seared his soul. "You need to stop flirting with Massie, because not only are you a) giving Dylan a complex and making her feel insecure and b) setting Massie up to get screwed over again, but if you can't stay committed to one girl, you don't deserve either of them. If you fell out of love with Dyl, just break it off. Don't use Massie to hurt her."

What? The room suddenly seemed too large and loud and crowded, and he could see Alicia's lips moving, but it was like her words were echoing off of some metal wall, bouncing back to his ears disoriented and foreign. _Isn't it obvious…flirting with Massie…_amber eyes stared back at him, years younger than they are now…_setting Massie up…isn't it obvious…fell out of love…Dylan…feeling insecure _the eyes were now green, adoring and open, like a book…_isn't it obvious? _

But it wasn't obvious. Not at all.

Derrick shook his head, wishing he could have erased the last five seconds of his life because they were far too confusing and his brain felt like it was caving in from overexertion. "Alicia, I still love Dylan," Derrick said. She raised an eyebrow and Josh and Kemp escaped to hand the results in to Haylan. "Really," he tried. "I don't like Massie, I haven't even spoken to her until today! Jesus, does one conversation suddenly make us in love for life? Why is everyone making it a big deal?"

"You know, there's this saying," Alicia said, looking off in the distance. "A guy's first love will be his last." Her eyes cut abruptly towards his. "_Always_."

"Whaa?" Derrick momentarily hated himself for not having a more coherent comeback. But seriously, who just drops a bomb like that?

"The question is," Alicia eyes skewered him and he wished Josh had stayed to soak her radioactive rays. But they were sucking on their lollipops by Haylan's desk, obviously not wanting to get in the way of Alicia's wrath (and judging by Haylan's expression, she was just about as thrilled bout it as he was) , "who do you want?"

"Dylan." The name came automatically, like a reflex. But something in his stomach felt empty, suddenly, and he couldn't forget what Alicia said.

How long, exactly, was always?

* * *

><p>Massie fumbled with her lock, trying to get the combo right-she was always terrible hopeless at these-before it came undone with a snap and she flung her locker open. She stuffed her American History book back inside, trying to remember what homework she had and if she needed anything. Some stupid English lit. text question sheet, but she didn't her textbook for that, just her notebook. After zipping up her bag and shutting her locker, she leaned against the metal door and checked her messages.<p>

She was really just stalling, even though she wouldn't admit it, and any pretense against it was shattered when her phone buzzed and displayed seven new messages. Against her better judgment, she opened them.

* * *

><p><strong>Landon: <strong>morning babe. I love you

**Landon: **havnt seen ur pretty eyes all day and its drivin me crzy

**Landon: **I miss you

**Landon: **we need to talk

**Landon: **r u mad?

**Landon: **mass. answer.

**Landon: **you cant just ignore me massie. Call me back.

* * *

><p>She rolled her eyes. Just as she suspected, they were all from him, from his usual morning text to one sent ten minutes ago. Her eyes scrolled through them again, picturing his mood as he typed them out. The first three were hopeful, trying to be casual, maybe. By text four and five, his patience was wearing thin. In six, he was getting pissed. In the last one, he was angry.<p>

Yeah, well Landon could go stew in his puddle of bad vibes by himself. Today, he was not going to bring her down with him. Because she was upset with him. Obviously. Who doesn't get that by the seventh unanswered text? And how, in seven texts, does the word sorry escape him? Whatever. She was tired of acting like she was fine, when she wasn't. Maybe if he realized she actually upset, he would apologize. It was worth a shot, right?

Massie headed to her BMW convertible, dangling the keys around her finger, waving and smiling to people who said goodbye to her. She lowered her sunglasses when she got out of the BOCD building and headed to the parking lot. And came to a screeching halt.

He was waiting for her-of course he was. Landon was leaning against her car, mouth in a straight line. Yeah, he was pissed. But now, so was she. He knew how much she obsessed over her car! And he leaning against it! Like he _owned_ it. Massie fumed. Maybe she didn't have a Y-chromosome, but she still cared about her car. She bit back her rage and dumped her school bag into the backseat and then turned to face him, arms folded across her chest.

"Have a good day?" he asked flatly.

"Yeah, it was fine, you?" She matched his tone.

"It was okay. It would have been better if my girlfriend hadn't been ignoring me." His voice rose.

She debated whether or not retort and start a fight. Was it worth the social embarrassment of being known as that couple that can't function together? Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Derrick and Dylan laughing towards Derrick's Mustang and that made her decision final. She would _not _tarnish her public image.

She started to apologize when she noticed Landon smirking and then quickly hiding it. Her mouth snapped shut. Was he getting some twisted glee out of her apology, even though he was the one who had screwed them in the first place? Forget about her public image. Squaring her shoulders, she cleared her throat and steeled her nerves. "Well, maybe if said girlfriend had received an apology this morning, she might have been a little more welcoming."

He groaned, slamming his hands against her car door-her car door!-making her flinch. If there was a scratch on her paint job…Her train of thoughts of what would happen to Landon if her car got ruined vanished the minute his eyes locked onto hers. She hated the way he was looking at her, an exasperated, condescending way. Like she was making up all this petty drama and he had so many better, more important, things to deal with. "Is this what this is about?" He threw an arm in the air, gesturing wildly. "God, what did I do that was so bad?"

"Look, let's not talk about it now," Massie said, wishing she had shut her glossed mouth and stayed true to her decision to save her public image. She might as well face it; it was the only thing going for her these days. Besides her friends, of course.

Anger was still smoldering insider of him but he nodded stiffly, pushing off of her car-finally!-leaving nothing but smudged fingerprints to prove he was even there at all.

* * *

><p>The wind lifted up her hair and Massie cranked up the radio, singing along, her voice echoing throughout the empty road. Her voice was perfectly in tune, she reflected smugly, even though it had been months since she had sung something. Giggles bubbled out of her mouthshe was singing again. She grinned blissfully.<p>

The song changed to a Runner Runner song, a band that Massie was hopelessly infatuated with and Alicia like to tease her about them, claiming they hadn't made it big yet. Still, Massie loved them ever since she heard "Unstoppable" when shopping in Hollister with Kristen and Dylan. Of course she recognized the song. Papercuts. One of her favorites.

_Who do you want/_

_It's more than a crush/_

_Lovin you only gave me papercuts/_

_Something so real taught me never to trust/_

_Loving you only gave me papercuts/_

All of a sudden, the look in Landon's eyes came back to her and her face became expressionless. He still hadn't said sorry for last night. And she had even asked him too. Which only meant one thinghe wasn't apologizing because he was planning on doing it again. She swallowed and shut the radio off angrily, speeding along on her way home.

Only now the wind seemed to bit at her neck and her slapped her face. Her fingers grew sweaty against the leather of the steering wheel, slipping and jerking the car a little bit to the right. Quickly, she wiped them down on her jeans and then righted the car. It was only a momentary lapse, but it was enough to make her realize she wasn't in control anymore. That somewhere on the road she lost it and now she was hurtling to a destination she had no control over.

And that was pretty damn scary.

_You gave me papercuts_

* * *

><p>Sometime after her epiphany on the road between BOCD and her house, a tired feeling had settled in Massie. She trudged up to her room half-heartedly, feeling inexplicitly <em>down<em>. Lack of energy, maybe. But from what? She hadn't even had PE today. Maybe it was the confrontation with Landon, yep, that could be sapping her strength. She opened her English notebook and closed it immediately, index fingers massaging her temple. Everything seemed to swim in front of her.

A power nap. Her eyes snapped open. It was the perfect solutiona little sleep, a little energy and in ten, fifteen minutes, she'd be ready to tackle the headache of juxtaposition, round characters and interpretation of characters that was her English homework .

It felt so good to sink into her bed and drift off to sleep.

But a half-an-hour later, she woke up panting and gasping, her sheets soaked in sweat and her heart racing in her chest so hard it ached. She smacked her light on, one hand reaching for her phone, her entire body shaking as she brought it to her ear. _Please answer. I need you. I've always needed you. _

* * *

><p><strong>*Insert dramatic music* A cliffie! A shitty, one, albeit a cliffie! :) <strong>

**Well, as pro****mised, I'll be posting new chappies, the next on going up either tomorrow or Sunday (norm. I only write a chap per week...I know, I'm terribly lazy****.)**

**I welcome reviews with open arms annnnd many thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chap. Way more reviews than I thought I would get, so thanks a bunchles. :D **


	6. Papercuts

_As promised...an extra chappie this week! I know, I know, I was supposed to publish it on Sunday but then I had this test that was kinda sorta really important and my parents took my laptop away. ANYWAY. Here. Enjoy. :) _

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

**Papercuts **

* * *

><p>"Hey," Derrick pushed his way through the oncoming crowd of just let-out students, all anxious to get home. A group of giggling girls walked in front of them and he broke through their group, shoving them slightly, not noticing the scathing looks they shot his way. Actually, he didn't notice anything except for the redheaded girl walking in front of him, who was obviously trying to put as much distance between them as possible. "Hey!" he shouted again.<p>

One of Bio classroom's door opened and one of the teachers yelled for everyone to be quiet, but by then Derrick had reached the double doors that led to the quad, the ones Dylan had just slammed shut.

"Hey," he panted, squinting in the sun, one arm grabbing Dylan's gently and spinning her around. "What's up?"

He blinked a few times, adjusting to the light that was so bright in contrast to BOCD's dimly lit halls, which supposedly helped students stay focused. Finally, he was able to really see Dylan's face. And he almost had to take a double take.

She looked so different. Older, somehow. Maybe it was the flatness in her green eyes, or the lack of a smile on her face. Or maybe it was just that it was the first time in a long time that Derrick couldn't read her like a book.

"Hey," he said, softer this time. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head, those cold, distant eyes fixated on him, ignoring the onslaught of bustling students.

"What's wrong?" Derrick tenderly pulled her out of the way, to more private part of the quad. "Did I do something?" The herd of students were mostly gone, save for just a few who were meandering slowly out of the quad. Then, they too were gone and Dylan and Derrick were alone.

She bit her lip and looked down at her shoes then back at him.

"Dylan, you know you can tell me anything," Derrick urged. He wasn't used to her being so serious and now it was starting to scare him. "I love you," he added desperately, but meaning it all the same.

Anger flared up in her eyes and she scoffed. "Do you? Do you really?" She spat at him.

"Um…yeah?" His face screwed up in confusion. Was she PMS-ing or something? She'd never doubted him before… What the hell was going on today?

"Then why did every single person in this school ask me if we broke up? Why did I overhear everyone arguing about whether or not you and Massie were going to get back together? Why did I hear Carrie tell everyone in Chemistry that you had been cheating on me for weeks?"

_What the hell? _

"And you know what Derrick, if you were just screwing with me, I'm _done _with you. I have so much on my plate already because of that stupid IB Diploma, I don't need this drama!" Dylan started breathing hard, her face pinking, but more out of anger than embarrassment.

"Dylan, wait…" Derrick paused searching for the right thing to say. It was all starting to fall into place. Everything Alicia said, all the weird looks, all the whispers that had followed him. Who would have thought that one conversation could ruin everything?

Everything else besides Dylan seemed to blur, the trees and picnic tables behind her turning into green and brown blobs, and she seemed to become more defined, the hurt in her now wet eyes, her white hands clenched into fists and her French manicured nails digging into her skin. It was so wrong. It was all so wrong.

She was Dylan, she was always happy, she always trusted him, she was never so…_defeated_. And it was his fault. Because he talked to some girl he thought he hated and everyone saw what he had been trying to ignore.

He wasn't over Massie Block.

But he wasn't over Dylan either.

And out of the two of them, he knew Dylan was the one who needed him, the one who would let him in, the one who was safe. It was something he'd always down, deep down inside of him. Massie never needed him. But Dylan did. If he left her now, he didn't know what would happen to her, didn't know if she would be the same again. Because the Dylan in front of him looked so destroyed.

"I still love you," Derrick said, speaking fast and praying to God that the words coming out of his mouth would be the right ones for once. "All those rumorsthey're just rumors. I would never hurt you or use you, or anything."

The trees swayed. The birds chirped. Leaves rustled on the ground. Chatter from the parking lot was a faint whisper. Time seemed to bend and move slowly. And then, finally, Dylan spoke.

"It's not you I don't trust," she said slowly, fingering her bangs. Her binder dropped with a thud, but she didn't even flinch. "It's just…she get's everything she wants, you know? I know Massie. And you two have a history and I wanna believe you, but, God, it'sit's," Dylan broke off, looking up at the sky. She sat down with a sigh on the closed picnic bench. "It's just everything is getting so stressful now. Exams, college applications I still haven't sent and the stupid IB Oral evaluation I still have to study for, plus all the extra work from higher level English. And seriously, what the hell is the point of a street car named desire?" Dylan complained. "And now I don't trust you and I feel so stupid, because everyone's finally starting to see I'm not good enough for you."

Derrick felt awkward. He hadn't exactly pegged Dylan for a complainer and he really didn't know what to say to make it better. Plovert should be here, he thought. Okay, the guy was an ass, but he was raised by academically rigorous parents and he actually had a few helpful tips for overstressed students.

"You're more than enough for me," Derrick said softly, bending down to pick up her binder. "I'm so lucky to have such an awesome girl. I mean, what other girl would let me stash my video games at her house?"

Dylan laughed and then wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Let's just head to your place."

"Sounds good. My mom's not here, you know."

"Tempting," Derrick replied, trying to sound casual even though he was really wondering how she had switched from freaking out, almost having a melt down to so nonchalantly inviting him to spend the night. "But we have to go to Kristen's poetry thing tonight."

They started walking to the parking lot. "Oh, right," Dylan sighed, blowing out her bangs. She peeked at him under a curtain of hair. "Think anyone would miss us?"

"Well, we don't want to be Claires." Derrick focused on searching for his red Mustang in the student parking lot. Litters rolled across the gray pavement like tumbleweed and something to the left caught his eye.

Landon and Massie.

Talking.

Teeth grinded together just seeing Landon. He couldn't stand that guy, even if he wasn't with Massie. The guy was a classic d-bag. Like all lacrosse guys, they always acted so freaking macho and superior, because apparently some people thing it takes more skill to play lacrosse than soccer (which, incidentally, so wasn't true). Also, he was beyond spoiled.

Everyone who attended BOCD had moneythat was no secret. But most of the parents tried to instigate a little financial responsibility. Most of the guys Derrick knew had to meet their parents halfway if they wanted a car. Derrick bought his own Mustang from a used car dealership with his own money from working at Starbucks and two summers as a counselor at a day camp. But Landon Crane had not only one but _two_ Porsches, the first in the current shape of pretzel after he speeded down Casper Avenue, missed a turn and rammed right into a pole.

Anger flared up in Derrick and for a reason unbeknownst to him, he pulled Dylan with him, who started laughing in happy surprise, to his car. Laughter was truly infectious because seconds later Derrick was laughing too and started tickling Dylan.

"No! Derrick, no!" she shrieked before dissolving into giggles.

"Run, Marvil," he teased, chasing after her with his arms out stretched. They were laughing so hard tears were coming out of their eyes by the time Dylan smacked the side of his car.

"Safe," she panted.

"I don't think so," Derrick said, putting his hands on either side of her head.

They locked eyes together for a moment. Hers were asking for him to forgive her about earlier. His were telling her to just forget it. And then they kissed.

The earth didn't quite move. The angels didn't quite sing. The fireworks didn't got off.

But it was close.

When they broke apart, though, Derrick couldn't help but realize Massie's car wasn't there anymore. She and Landon must have driven away. Shame.

* * *

><p>"So what do you want to do today?" Derrick asked as Dylan fiddled around with the car radio to find a good station. Rihanna's California King Bed blasted through his sand caked speakers (courtesy of last summer at the Hamptons).<p>

"I don't know, maybe just have some mac and cheese and relax," she replied, finally leaving the dials alone and leaning back. "Maybe finish that movie we saw last time. I fell asleep before anything good happen," she pouted.

"It sucked," Derrick offered, switching lanes and then turning left. "How about we watch the new How I Met Your Mother?"

Dylan wrinkled her nose. "Um, pass."

"What's wrong with HIMYM?" Derrick asked genuinely, looking away from the road for a split second before zoning back in on it. He could have his license for years but he would still be a cautious driver.

"Barney's a sexist pig, Ted is wishy-washy and Robin is just…ugh."

"You, my friend, have problems. Barney's a god. And Ted had awesome hair," Derrick said. "Robin's kinda hot," he added.

She rolled her eyes and playfully nudged him, which caused him to jerk the steering wheel to the left.

"Hey! Not when I'm driving," he grunted.

"Whatever, Speedracer."

Rihanna's voice faded out and a new song started up.

"Awesome," Derrick lunged for the volume button. It was Papercuts. He started bobbing his head for a while until he realized Dylan was looking at him strangely. "Runner Runner. I love these guys," he explained.

_Who do you want?_

"Seriously?" Dylan turned to face him, shocked.

_It's more than a crush _

"I know they're not really successful, but they got some cool songs," he explained, feeling tad bit self-conscious. "I mean, they got some mojo going on."

"That's Massie's favorite band," Dylan said, still looking stunned. His heart gave an involuntary flop when she said her name. "I didn't know anyone else even knew them."

_Loving you only gave me paper cuts _

_Massie's _favorite band? That wasn't expected. He always pegged her as a Taylor Swift groupie, but for some reason, he was glad they liked the same music. "Well, maybe Massie and I have similar taste." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

_Something so real taught me never to trust _

Dylan's eyes flashed. "Yeah, maybe." She looked pointedly out the window.

_Loving you only gave me paper cuts _

"Sorry, I didn't meant it like that," Derrick said, trying not to show his impatience. Since when did everything have to be so complicated? Why did he have to censor every sentence he said?

"It's okay," she mumbled, but she didn't look away from the window, her eyes locked on the blurring sidewalk and streets, a sad, tragic look on her face. Almost like she lost her best friend. Like her mother died.

_You gave me paper cuts _

Like she found out that something she always thought to be permanent was suddenly gone.

* * *

><p>"What do you want?" Dylan dropped her bag in front of the couch in the living room and headed to her kitchen. She stuck her head in the fridge and called back, "Coke? Pepsi? Sprite?"<p>

"Coke," Derrick answered, shucking his Jansport backpack next to her bag and then kicked off his shoes. "You still want to watch that chick flick?"

"Yeah, it's still in the DVD player," Dylan replied, appearing with a coke and an opened sprite. "I'm just put some popcorn in, so wait a few minutes." Right on cue, a crackling noise started to fill the room.

Dylan snuggled closer to him on the couch. "Do you think anyone would notice if we skipped K's poetry reading tonight?" She leaned her head against his chest.

"Definitely," Derrick laughed, playing with one of her curls. How the hell did they get back on the topic of skipping Kristen's poetry thing?

"Aww, but pleasee," whined Dylan, pouting.

"Come on, babe, I made a commitment." He shifted uncomfortably on the couch. Could she just drop it already? He knew exactly what she was offering, he wasn't stupid, but it just didn't feel right now. He hated how whiny and needy she was getting about it. Would it be so hard for her to have a little self-respect and just drop it?

"Is this because of Massie?" The leather couch squeaked as she twisted around to glare at him with narrow eyes. "Because I'm totally fine with"

"Dylan," Derrick groaned, exasperated. Seriously? Back to the entire you-so-obviously-like-her-even-though-your-with-me crap? "I don't like her."

"Fine," Dylan sniffed, turning back away from him. Forgetting about how loud the popcorn was, or maybe just not caring, Dylan turned on the TV and the DVD player.

"Do we have to watch this again? Trust me, the ending's so cliché," Derrick protested as the machines whirred to life and plasma screen changed from black to color. "And I hated it," he added, throwing himself back across the couch.

"What? I can't hear you," Dylan said loudly over the consistent popping noises coming from the microwave.

"Of course not," muttered Derrick. He stared up at the still fan on the ceiling for a moment before flopping over, watching in what felt like slow motion as Dylan's finger started to press the play button. He had the sudden urge to scream a really loud and desperate 'NOOOOO!' like in a movie, but he figured she wouldn't find that funny, what with the cranky mood she was in.

All of a sudden, almost as if he had willed it, Derrick heard a strange noise from someplace in the room, barely audible over the popcorn popping.

"Do you hear that?"

"Yeah," Dylan replied, dropping the remote. "What _is _that?"

"Where is it coming from?" was what Derrick was more concerned about.

"Shut up for a minute and maybe we can hear it," whispered Dylan.

They were quiet for a while and then Derrick realized what it was.

A phone vibrating. Somewhere in the living room. He tilted his head to the side, trying to find out where it was louder.

Vrrrbt.

Vrrrbt.

He loooked down at the foot of the couch.

It was coming from one of their two bags.

* * *

><p><strong>SO. Another cliffie! I'm evil. Haha, actually, I didn't really plan that one, it just happened. <strong>

**Next chapter should be going down this weekend, hopefully, but my friend's coming over so I can't promise anything. **

**Anyway. You guys like it? *crosses fingers***

**I'd love feedback ;) **

**xx**

**Bree**


	7. Dreams

_I know, I know, it's been a long time. Well, sorry for the delay, but I hope you enjoy this chappie!_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Seven<strong>

**Dreams **

* * *

><p>"It's mine," Dylan clarified, reaching down into her purse, pulling her iPhone out quickly.<p>

"Oh, cool." Derrick turned back to the TV, where the stupid chick flick was starting up. He wondered vaguely when Dylan had time to press play. Then again, her TV had problems, even though it was a state-of-the-art, high end quality plasma that should really belong in a small cinema.

Dylan looked down at the caller ID blinking back at her, before stealing a furtive glance at him. _Is she pissed? _Derrick wondered, catching her reflection in the rim of a silver bowl on a shelf a little to the left of the tv. _But why? I'm watching her dumb movie! _

Decisively, Dylan jammed her thumb down onto the screen with such force that Derrick jumped and turned to face her. "Babe? Everything okay."

"Yeah," she replied, smiling sweetly and discarding the phone on the table nearby. "Just Leesh."

"Wonder what Alicia wanted," he mumbled, feeling obligated. He didn't actually care, as he was still pissed at Alicia turning his world upside down during Biology.

He leaned a little more into the couch, looking at the TV even though he wasn't at all interested. It was just a guy habit. He'd probably spent more time staring at a television screen than he had in homeroom all his life. Funny how things work.

"Oh, you know." The phone buzzed again and Dylan rolled her eyes before leaning over and, Derrick assumed, rejecting the call. "Directions for the poetry thing. You know how she gets lost easily."

At this, he genuinely cracked up. "Yeah. Remember last year, the beginning of summer party thing? She came an hour late 'cuz her navigator thing was taking her all the way to Jersey and she didn't even realize it."

Dylan laughed. "Yeah, and all because she just typed in 'beach'."

"You better text her the address," Derrick advised her smiling, "or else we'll have to send out a helicopter this time."

"Will do."

He shook his blond bangs out of his before focusing on the television again, even though it was getting increasingly harder, because the stupid reflective bowl on the shelf kept taunting his eyes with the fact that while Dylan was holding her phone and looking down at the screen, she made no effort whatsoever to type anything at all.

"Done," she declared, tossing her phone in the direction of her purse.

_Yeah, right_.

* * *

><p><em>Ring. <em>

_Ring. _

Massie wished Dylan would pick up her damn phone already. She paced around her room, trying to smooth down her mussed up hair. A section of strangely bare wall caught her eye. Didn't she hang up a mirror there? She thought back, tilting her head to the side, phone still pressed into her ear. Weird.

She started pacing again, not noticing the shards of broken mirror that had fallen behind the waste basket.

In the end, she settled for sitting on her unmade bed, swinging her feet, looking out her half opened window. She never even remember moving the silk curtains back. Images swam in front of her eyes, haunting her. God, it would be so relieving to be able to tell it to Dylan. Maybe she would just tell everything to Dylan.

_Call rejected. _

Wait, _what? _Massie yanked her phone away from her ear, looking down to see if maybe she had dialed Layne or something by accident. But no, her thumb froze as she scrolled through her recent dials list. She _had _called Dylan.

What the fudge muffins?

Her throat started to close up, her fingers tensing and trembling all at once, dropping her Blackberry with a clang, and dots started to appear around her rooms. Dots that didn't exist. She suddenly felt so cold and so alone. She had no one.

_You don't deserve anyone. _

_But I want someone_, she ached to cry out, to for once drop her composure and kick all the way to hell, to fall apart in front of everyone, to just cry and cry and cry, until the world overflowed.

_You don't deserve to want anything. _The words echoed around in her head, as cold as the voice that said them.

And then Massie fell apart on the floor of a room. Massie Block lost it all and a became a sobbing, snotty, shaking, trembling heap on the floor.

It's the worst thing in the world, when something happens that you never expected to happen, when you lose something you held so close it actually _became _a part of you, latching onto your heart and adding to you. Making you yourself. You can't take that away from someone.

But you can cut it out with a knife, leaving a crudely shaped hole in them for everything to spill out and watch them drown in everything they are.

That you can do.

* * *

><p>"We should get going soon," Derrick said. "Isn't Kristen's reading at eight?"<p>

"Eight-thirty," yawned Dylan, standing up. "But I have to take a shower. Help yourself to anything. We got some leftover mac-and-cheese in the fridge."

"The gourmet kind Jean-Luc makes?" He perked up, naming Merri-Lee's personal chef.

"Yep." She leaned down and kissed the top of his head, her ringlets tickling his ears. It used to feel comforting, even kind of sexy. But now it just itched.

Derrick fantasized about Jean-Luc's amazing cheesy pasta until Dylan had walked out of the room and upstairs to her luxurious bedroom, so he wouldn't say something he regretted. True, he and Dylan had kind of been bumping heads lately, but they were a couple and couples did that, right? And yeah, she was starting to annoy him, but when you were going through a rocky patch with someone _everything _they did annoyed you. It was part of the cycle of life, wasn't it?

_Stop thinking so much, _he chided himself. He hopped over the sofa and padded into the modern kitchen in search of the most heavenly mac-and-cheese on the entire planet. After he found it, incidentally, it was gone in about ten minutes.

It was really quiet now, he reflected as he rinsed out the Tupperware in the sink and tried his hands. Derrick didn't care much for silence. It had the tendency to amplify things, to sharpen details. It made you more aware of everything, every little doubt brought out, no persuasion or words to give you piece of mind.

He stood at the counter for a full two minutes, contemplating something. It couldn't make things better. It could definitely make things worse. But he had to know.

So at 7:32 precisely, Derrick Harrington invaded his girlfriend's trust and took her phone from the table and scrolled through her messages.

And there was no message sent to Alicia. No new messages received.

Frowning, he checked her recent calls. And stopped dead. Alicia hadn't called her.

But Massie had.

* * *

><p><em>"Are you coming to the game Friday?" Danny Robbins asked anxiously, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.<em>

_"Of _course _we are," purred Alicia Rivera, crossing her well-toned legs, making Danny and the four or five boys grouped around them gulp. It didn't matter that she was just a freshman __—__she was still the hottest thing on campus. _

_"Yeah," Kristen Gregory added, sounding hyped up as usual. "But you guys better kick ass."_

_"Count on it," Chris Plovert said, nudging Danny Robbins to the side, so he was right in front of their table. _

_"Really?" Kristen raised an eyebrow. "'Cause last game, you guys sucked some major balls."_

_Cam Fisher coughed into his hands. "Sorry, bro, but the chick has a point." He shifted his weight, causing the wooden table to squeak. Plovert rolled his eyes at the other boys. They never really got over Cam turning into a 'sissy', spending all his breaks and frees with his girlfriend (surprisingly the two had lasted through the summer). So while all the other guys were flirting with three of the sexiest girls on campus, albeit freshman, he was sitting _with_ the girls, arm around _his_ girl, twirling her hair. _

_It was so sweet it was sickening. Claire Lyons giggled and leaned back into him, the image of the ideal high school sweethearts. _

_"Don't sweat it, Gregory," Dune Baxter said, throwing his arms around Plovert and Kemp Hurley, the two closest to him, "these boys are gonna nail it this time. Grayson won't know what hit them."_

_"That won't be the only thing we'll be nailing," Plovert joked, winking at Dylan Marvil, who blushed and then suddenly became extremely interested in her Sidekick. She'd been complaining about it forever, ever since she left it in her jeans and they got washed, leaving the screen disoriented and the call button dysfunctional. She'd been moaning about having to wait until her mom got a new Blackberry so she could get Merri-Lee's old iPhone. _

_"Hey, look, here come the lovebirds," remarked Cam, looking over Claire's head at two people walking in their direction from the lockers_

_"Last time I checked, you and Claire were already here," Kristen said shortly, looking at the trashcan. Cam looked over at her, genuinely hurt._

_"Burnt dude," Dune laughed before leaning over to give Kristen a high-five she tentatively returned. "You're on a roll, Gregory."_

_"I meant Derrick and Massie," said Cam slowly. _

_"Hey guys," Massie squealed, climbing gracefully onto the table. Kristen and Dylan both scooted a little bit apart, giving her room to sit down. _

_"Heyyyy," the girls chorused. _

_Alicia leaned forward, her long hair being used as a curtain, blocking out the boys who were punching Derrick on the shoulder as a way of greeting. "Soo, are you and Derrick really a couple?"_

_"Like, officially?" asked Kristen, tucking her hair behind her ear. _

_Massie just grinned shyly. _

_All four girls squealed. Cam rolled his eyes and descended to join to guys, muttering under his breath. _

_"He just asked me. We're going to Homecoming together , too," Massie told them, giggling into her palm at the end._

_"Awwh, how cute," Claire sighed, her hand fluttering over her heart. "I knew you guys were going to go steady after that first date. I just _knew_."_

_"Shut up," Massie replied playfully, shoving her. _

_"Nah, Clairebear has a point," Alicia said wisely. "You did have that glow."_

_"Yeah, that I'm-so-in-love-it's-raining-hearts glow," Kristen piped up._

_"Shut _up_. I did _not_." Massie paused, looking at them. "Did I?" They all cracked up._

_Massie stole a peek at her boyfriend. Plovert and Kemp were retelling some story, getting really into as usual, with big hand gestures and intense facial expressions. Derrick side-glanced back at her, his spiky bangs, which were far too long, touching the tips of eyelashes. Warm brown eyes washed over her, melting her. She smiled softly back at him, before looking at her toes and giggling, the wind sweeping her auburn hair over her face._

* * *

><p>It's funny what kind of things minds do when people are asleep. They show us our greatest fantasies. They trap us in our worst fears. They pick through our memories, finding moments in our life so perfect, so amazing, but so small and insignificant that no one really remembers. But sometimes that one memory is the one you need.<p>

It doesn't matter what you try to tell yourself. How you try to make yourself feel. When you're asleep, all the walls you put up fall down, whether you want them to or not. All your left with are your deepest desires. As scary as those are.

The phone felt heavy in Derrick's hand. He didn't notice that the shower had turned, water pounding against glass, or that the film's credits had to ceased to roll. The very air around him seemed to pause.

Dylan was lying to him. Massie was calling her. Why wouldn't Dylan pick up? She'd called back twice since Dylan had rejected her first two calls. He must have been in the kitchen. He should call back. It wasn't a big deal. What if she needed directions?

His finger hovered over her number. _You're playing with fire_ a voice sing-songed in his ear. _Dylan doesn't want to talk to Massie. _

But Derrick knew the answer, even though he wouldn't admit it. Dylan was afraid that Massie liked Derrick. And that Derrick felt the same way And all of a sudden, Derrick was pissed as hell.

He loved Dylan. He'd proven it to her. They'd come so far in their relationship. It seemed impossible that it had been months already and this had never come up. She never asked him about his exes. They barely ever even mentioned Massiehe didn't even see her in breaks most of the time. Massie was always somewhere else.

He'd always figured that Massie didn't like him. Detested him. Hated him. As cruel as it might sound, he hadn't really spared a thought on her throughout all those years. Yeah, sure, she was in his dreams, sometimes, but what were dreams, anyway?

The point was, Dylan and him, they'd never had a problem with jealousy before. It shouldn't matter if he called an ex. And if Dylan did have a problem with it, they could talk it out. That was what couples did. It'd be fine.

Derrick took a deep breath and pressed the green button.

She picked up almost immediately.

"Hey, Mass," he breathed, eyeing the upstairs bathroom door, wondering exactly what he was doing.

* * *

><p><strong>Sooo. <strong>

**That was the new chapter. Like? Hate? Reviews, please. I'd love a lil' feedback on the flashback :)**

**xx**

**Bree**


	8. Dark Thoughts

_Sorry everyone for updating late and not responding to any pms (really, really sorry). I' was grounded and denied access from my computer, therefore the internet, therefore this site and therefore my account. _

_ANYWAYS. Chappie 8, here at least. Thanks a lot for all the reviews, even though my updating has been pretty shittily off balance. Thanks a lot for all the regular reviews (Mo, Livvy, Angela and countless more) and all the new ones. Seriously, your guyses reviews fill me with bunny feelings :DD_

_...That's a good thing. _

_Here's the chapter!_

* * *

><p><em>Well my girl's in the next room<em>

_Sometimes I wish she was you_

_I guess we never really moved on_

**Chapter Eight**

**Dark Thoughts**

"Massie?" Derrick asked tentatively. The other end of the line was so quiet it was alarming. _If she doesn't answer in ten seconds I'll hang up and this will have never happened_, Derrick promised himself.

_One…_

_Two…_

_Three…_

Part of him wanted her to say something. Part of him wanted her to hang up.

_Four…_

"Hey." Her voice was soft and dry, like parchment. It wasn't shocked, like he had expected, but of course why would she be shocked? This wasn't anything big, just a guy calling his girlfriend's friend, right? Nothing more.

"Hi, um, I'm calling 'cause…well, you called and…Dylan's in the shower and well, I just thought…you just called and she missed it and I thought I'd take a message or something," he rambled, mentally smacking himself in the head. So smooth.

"She didn't miss my call, she rejected." Massie's voice came through clear and icy, almost as if she was in the room with him. He could picture her cold amber-eyed stare already. "So I don't really have a message for her."

"Ohhh, well…" He stopped. What could he say? Alicia's voice came floating back to him. He was tearing two friends apart, as absurd as that was. "Well…it was just nice talking to you."

Her voice was bitter. "Wish I could say the same."

"Why can't you?" The words came out before he could stop them. It wasn't his problem if Massie had some shitty attitude. Once again, let Landon fucking Crane take care of that. Not _his_ place.

"Let's just say you bring up a lot of dark thoughts for me, okay?" she said measurably, each word packed with as much sourness as possible. "Good-bye, Derrick."

"Wait, what dark thoughts?" Derrick sat down on the couch, running his hands through his hair, confusion settling in. What that hell was up with this chick? He'd thought she had _hated _him, but then this morning she was acting like nothing had ever happened. Like they were _friends. _And now she was back to hating him.

Massie sighed on the other end, the sound crackly through the phone. "You wouldn't understand," Massie said quietly. "You just don't get it."

"Get what?" Derrick shifted uncomfortably. It was almost 7:40, which meant that in fifteen minutes at the latest, Dylan would be out of the shower. And somehow, he didn't think she'd be ecstatic to find him talking on her cell phone to the girl whose calls she'd been rejecting. "Look, Mass, I miss having you around. As a friend," he emphasized quickly, just so she wouldn't get the wrong idea. "And if something's bothering you, I'd—"

"I miss you too."

The words took him by surprise and he scoffed out loud. Massie Block didn't _miss _people. In order to miss people, you had to need people. She didn't need people. She didn't need anything.

"What?" Her voice was sharp. "Why are you laughing?"

"I'm not—" Derrick tried to say, but Massie cut him off.

"Go fuck yourself in a corner, Harrington," she snapped. _Click. _

"Wha? Wait. Massie. Massie?" He pulled the phone away from his ear. She'd hung up on him. _Damn. _

The water upstairs stopped running and Derrick hastily exited out of Massie's name and dropped the iPhone back on the table.

Twenty minutes when Dylan came down, dressed in tight dark jeans, light brown boots and an off the shoulder green blouse, Derrick was immersed in Call of Duty.

"Hey, baby," he said, jerking the controller, blowing up two snipers. "Thought you'd be down here earlier."

"Sorry, my straightener was having issues." Dylan looked at the TV screen and just rolled her eyes. "Now I see why Sammi banned those."

"She's a psycho nun who doesn't understand the concept of fun," Derrick said immediately, tossing his head back to look at her, grinning.

"Riiiiiight," teased Dylan. She grabbed her purse and Derrick saved the game before shutting off everything. "You wanna drive?"

"Sure." Dylan reached into her purse and tossed Derrick the keys to her car, before reaching over to scoop up her phone.

She was about to drop it into her purse when she paused and took a closer look at the screen. "Hmm, that's strange," she stated.

"What?" Derrick stopped twirling the keys around his finger.

"Nothing it's just…"

"What?" Derrick came up behind her.

She laughed, "Chill. My clock's a few minutes behind. I can't believe I never noticed."

He relaxed.

"What is up with you?" Dylan looped her arms around him, phone safely tucked away in her purse.

"I was scared you got a text from Alicia saying that she was in Atlantis and need us to rescue her in an invisible hovercraft," admitted Derrick.

Dylan's laugh vibrated through his chest and he hugged her tightly, liking how safe this felt. How simple it was to love her. He'd forgotten how she made him feel. Who were jealousy and times past to tease them with what could have been?

He had someone who loved him for who he was. That was enough. It would have to be.

* * *

><p>Derrick Harrington was an asshole. Massie sat on her bed, fuming. How dare he mock her! He <em>laughed <em>at her, after she told him she _missed _him. Massie hadn't quite decided which one disgusted her more. She should have known. Derrick had crushed her before, sent her down on this one-way road that just went down.

And why was he always on Dylan's phone? God, pathetic much? Would it kill him to use his own freaking cell? She shook her head before exhaling and throwing herself against her bed.

She'd really needed someone to talk to. And instead she'd gotten him. It was almost poetic, in a dark, humorless way. She'd just wanted someone to talk to about her dream, or nightmare, and Dylan was always the best person to talk to.

It had been such a haunting dream.

At first it had been great. Massie stretched her hands out, dropping her phone on the wrinkled comforter, her amber eyes closing.

It wasn't really a dream; more of a memory. She'd forgotten exactly when, sometime in freshman year. They'd all been crowded around their table; Cam, Claire, Kristen, Alicia, Dylan, Dune, Plovert, Kemp, Danny Robbins and Derrick. She knew it had to have been freshman year because Josh wasn't there and he didn't transfer until sophomore year.

It was October, maybe early November. Autumn, for sure. From her point of view, she couldn't hear what they were talking about. They were happy though; they radiated it, glowed it, smelled like it. And Derrick still looked at her like she meant something to him.

Then it all went wrong. The sky darkened, the picturesque scene ripping right in front of her, until nothing was left but her, all alone. She was in a hole, deep in the earth, his voice echoing all around her.

_Worthless._

_Ugly._

_Fat._

_Bitch. _

The words were coming faster, circling her, suffocating her. And there was Derrick, right at the edge of the hole. She stretched out her hands, begging for him to pull her up, to save her from the earthy hell. But he just grinned peacefully and waved, as if oblivious to the fact that she was imprisoned and walked away.

Her phone buzzed from somewhere in her comforter, jerking her out of her reverie. She sat up, wiping a tear or two away from her eyes. She wasn't crying. And if she was, it wasn't because Derrick walked away from her—_again_. It was because she hated being trapped underground in the earth. It smelled too…earthy.

She grabbed her phone and clicked on her new message. Then she rolled her eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>Landon: <strong>hey baby, im sry bout earlier i love u & will b ur hous in 15 2 go to that poetry shit u wantd me 2 go 2

* * *

><p>Damn it, Landon. She wasn't in the mood to deal with his moods. Sighing, she typed out a quick and grammatically correct text. He knew how much shorthand bugged her. He was so doing this on purpose.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Massie: <strong>It's fine. I'll be ready. K will be so excited.

* * *

><p>There. Massie leaned back at her pillow and grinned as she hit send. Short, simple and quite cold. It should definitely tell him everything was not okay. He was pushing her buttons and she was getting tired of it.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Landon: <strong>perffffff. caant w8 babezz

* * *

><p>Massie considered typing back, but what could she say while still maintaining her coldness? She threw her phone down yet again—poor phone—and headed to her closet to get changed.<p>

* * *

><p>"So, when does this thing start, exactly?" Claire sipped her mocha, eyebrow raised.<p>

"Umm, well in about eight minutes it will start and I'm the third person, so I'll be up in, I dunno, twenty minutes?" Kristen said, checking the clock on the wall of the local coffee joint, Beans & More, the only one in town that had an Open Mic Night monthly.

"Twenty minutes and Alicia still isn't here?" Derrick whistled. "Should we call the National Guard yet?"

"Shut up," Dylan smacked him playfully. "She'll be here."

"Yeah, I just texted her the address a few minutes ago," Plovert offered, biting into his cinnamon roll. "She was totally freaking because no one gave it to her, but seriously? She's been here like ten times and still doesn't know the address."

"Well, she's Alicia," Kristen said. "I should have sent it to her yesterday."

Dylan stayed focus on her frappucino, ignoring Derrick's raised eyebrow.

The bell in the front of the café dinged and the glass door opened allowing two figures to walk briskly in.

"Hey, it's Massie and Landon," Dune called loudly, waving them over to their big booth in the corner.

"I didn't know Massie was coming," Dylan hissed to Kristen.

"Of course she's coming." Kristen shot Dylan a puzzled look.

"Everyone's coming," Plovert said, leaning back against the booth. "Except Cam."

Kristen leaned towards him, eyes wide, "Cam's not coming? Why?'

"No clue," he replied, his eyes sliding over to Claire, in her tank top and short skirt, who had started making out with Dune, pushing him up against the booth, the both of them moaning. Kristen's nostrils flared.

"Of _course_," she mumbled.

"Hey, look it's Block," Kemp called, smiling. Massie's face split into a wide grinning as she sat down next to Kristen, who scooted to make room for her. Landon was following her stiffly, nodding at the group as a way of greeting.

"Sit down, baby," Massie said, looking at Landon.

"I'm fine." Landon looked extremely uncomfortable.

Derrick rolled his eyes and placed an arm around Dylan.

"Seriously, just sit down," Massie told him, patting the spot next to her for emphasis.

"I'm _fine_," Landon said with gritted teeth.

"Fine then," Massie responded, looking stung. Kristen looked to the two of them, twirling a piece of hair nervously.

Most of Massie's friends didn't like Landon, the reason why a mystery. _It's just something he gives off_, Alicia had once admitted, _like some sort of creepy air. _They normally ignored that strange feeling, along with Landon, and he seemed fine with that. He was always quiet, sitting tensely, dark eyes seeming to see everything. Only if you knew him well could you see that his jaw would clench ever so slightly and the way his back stiffened were telltales of his annoyance. Landon Crane did not enjoy being an outsider. And he most definitely did not enjoy being on the outside looking in on a group of which his girlfriend was basically the center of.

Kristen twirled her hair faster and faster, feeling the radioactive rays Dylan was shooting at Massie, the strange confusion wafting off of Derrick, the icy edge of Massie's eyes and that creepy, creepy air from Landon.

A guy with long dreadlocks tapped th microphone three times from the little stage up front, sending a wave of feedback crashing over everybody. "Yo, homies, and welcome to Beans & More's monthly Open-Mic." There were a couple of hollers from way in the back. "You ready for the night to get interesting?"

Interesting. Oh yes.

* * *

><p><strong>La la la la! <strong>

**Chapter Eight! Done and uploaded! Yayyy.**

**Well, I hope you enjoyed that, guys, and I would welcome some reviews. I'm gonna try to get chapter nine up by Saturday or Sunday, but no guarantees!**

**Thanks a lot though, guys. Without your reviews and feedback and constructive critiscim and tips, I would have never been able to get this posted. This chapter's title is inspired by Nicole, who's little constructive critiscim really helped me decide it was time to develop the plot. Thanks, Nicole!**

**I really hope this makes up for the delay!**

**xx**

**Bree**


	9. The Catalyst

**Chapter Nine**

**The Catalyst**

* * *

><p>"Oh my God," Kristen said, clutching the table cloth. "It's my turn next." She gulped and turned a strange shade of red.<p>

"I don't believe this," Alicia, who had walked in about five minutes ago in an extremely surly mood from driving two towns over and then having to double back, said from the other side of the table. "Is Kristen _nervous_?"

"Of course I am," Kristen snapped at her. All the guys had teased Alicia mercilessly for coming late and therefore put her into one of her moods and Kristen was always insecure about her poetry which put her into one of _her _moods, so both of them were unusually short-tempered.

"Ladies, ladies, no need to bring out the ice queens," Kemp said, raising his hands in a peacemaker way.

"Shut up, Kemp," Alicia said, rolling her eyes before she leaned back into her booth and examined her manicure.

"Wish Josh didn't have that basketball game," muttered Plovert, "because we could so use him as shield against her Iciness."

Alicia leaned forward in a flash and banged her hands on the table. "What? Josh isn't coming?" Her neck snapped as she turned to glare at Kristen. "I thought only Cam wasn't coming!"

"He's your boyfriend," Plovert snorted. "The rest of us aren't keeping a dog collar on him."

"Ha-ha, very funny, Plovert."

"I didn't know Josh wasn't coming," Kristen said, looking around at everyone sitting in the booth. "Did anyone else know Josh wasn't coming?"

Plovert and Kemp shrugged in unison. "Nah, we thought he told everyone."

"Why doesn't anybody ever correct me?" Kristen muttered. "I hate sounding like an idiot. I specifically said everyone was coming except for Cam."

"You're never wrong," Dylan said, rolling her eyes and snuggling into Derrick. "Chill. When you're nervous, you are seriously messed up."

Kristen gave Dylan a hard look before opening her mouth, a well thought-out retort surely on the way out.

"I think you're up," Derrick said helpfully, being for once the peacemaker. "Because Dreads is staring at you like you're wasting his time." He jerked his head over to where the guy with dreadlocks was standing, shooting Kristen glares and mouthing _hurry up_.

Swearing, Kristen hopped over Massie and Landon and scurried out of the booth, clutching a tattered composition notebook.

"Ah, she's an adorable toaster when she's nervous," laughed Kemp.

"A toaster?" Massie inquired through a half-grin. "Really, a toaster?"

"Toasters are very important to the world." Kemp leaned forward on his elbows, about to go into another one of his outrageous fantastical stories that never ceased to amuse the group. "See, once there was"

"When are they going to take our order?" Landon asked loudly, tossing a laminated menu across the table. It skidded and fell into Derrick's lap, who shot him an annoyed glare.

Landon just stared back impassively, ignorant or not caring.

"I think you have to go up and give it to a girl at the counter," Claire said slowly, disentangling herself from Dune.

"Yeah," Dune agreed, wiping her lip gloss off of his mouth and neck. "If you're going, can you tell the chick I want a chocolate milkshake."

"That's not healthy," Kemp scolded him. "You might, like, gain a pound." The boys were forever teasing Dune about his modeling career.

"Shut up, bro," Dune retorted, but he was smiling when he flicked a scrunched up napkin at Kemp. It nailed Alicia in the face.

"Order your own food."

Kemp and Plovert exchanged a look as Dune raised an eyebrow. Maybe it wouldn't have been a big deal if it had been one of the other guys, one Dune was familiar with, but it was Landon, in his typical bossy, self-centered manner. He was normally okay, just kinda quiet when it was a small group of them. It was always around Derrick, after he found out he was Massie's ex, even though there was _nothing _there. Whenever Derrick was around, Landon tried to act intimidating and alpha-male-ish.

"You know what?" Massie said loudly, standing up. "How about I get all the drinks?"

"But Kristen's starting," Claire pointed out. "You'll miss her. She really wanted you to be here."

"Wow, congrats Claire, that's the first unselfish thing you've said all year," Alicia muttered.

"I can hear it from back there, too," Massie assured her, feeling oddly touched. Normally Claire didn't talk to heror anyone else for that matter. Massie had forgotten how concerned Claire could be. "So who wants what?"

As everyone clamored forward, eager for Massie to get their order, Kristen finished talking with Dreads up on the stage. She sat down on the bar stool and with shaky hands opened her composition book, the grayish stage light falling onto her like a dirty halo, something lost that had just been found again.

* * *

><p>"So, three milkshakes, chocolate," Massie told the girl behind the counter, rolling her eyes mentally at how immature the guy are. "And, um, they want smiley faces in chocolate syrup on them."<p>

The girl laughed. "You have to be from that table with all those guys, right?"

"Yeah," Massie said and smiled tentatively back.

"Then three shakes with smiley faces it is." The girl pushed up her Beans & More visor, messing up her long blond hair. "Anything else?"

"Of course there is," Massie sighed, consulting the napkin in her hand. Alicia had written down all of their drinks in her perfect handwriting, using Claire's lipgloss. So far, Massie had been taking extra caution to not touch the lipgloss part. "Two non-fat soy lattes, one coffee, black and a strawberry milkshake."

"On it." She disappeared into the back for a minute, giving Massie time to relax. She leaned against the counter. Up on the stage, Kristen was starting and, as she had guessed, Massie could hear her perfectly from back her.

"My name is Kristen," Kristen said in a voice normally reserved for MC-ing the annual talent show, or other various award shows. "And I'm going to read one of my poems titled 'Hey Blue Eyes.'

There were a couple of cheers in the audience, mostly from Massie's table. She saw Plovert interrupt the booth behind them and say, loudly, "I know that girl!"

"No shit, dude," Derrick replied, shaking his head. "Sit back down."

With extra shaky hands, Kristen opened her notebook and flipped to a page. The crinkling pages echoed throughout the café. And then she started.

"Hey blue eyes, tomorrow became yesterday." Kristen's voice seemed to change halfway through the sentence, more confident and measured out, sounding like leaves rustling over dried papyrus. "What was will never be felt again."

"Here, your drinks." The girl was back and smiling, holding a tray out.

"Thanks," Massie mouthed back, grabbing the tray. The girl tapped a piece of paper on the tray lightly and mouthed "_bill" _and then pointed to a stand near the exit.

"Pay when I leave?" whispered Massie and the girl nodded.

"By the way," the girl said softly as Massie turned around. "I think you'll find the chocolate milkshakes entertaining."

Massie examined them for a minute and then laughed quietly to herself all the way back to the table.

* * *

><p><em>Landon is such a jackass<em>, Derrick thought angrily. Whatever Massie saw in him, she took it with her when she left. The minute Massie was gone, Landon abandoned all pretenses of giving a shit, though admittedly he hadn't seemed that interested in the beginning.

Something buzzed in Derrick's jeans pocket. _Phone_. He took it out and held it under the table, just in case it was Massie. Which was ridiculous. It wouldn't be Massie…would it?

**1 New Msg **

Derrick opened it, not daring to hope. Cam. Not Massie. It was from Cam.

**Cam: **hows kristen doin

**Derrick: **hasn't started yet

**Derrick: **y rnt u here?

**Cam: **u no…

Derrick rolled his eyes.

"What is it, babe?" Dylan whispered, leaning over. He showed her the screen and then she rolled her eyes too. "He can't avoid her for the rest of his life, tell him that."

Cam hadn't been the most outgoing person since the entire Claire mess but he had always come on group outings, until Claire and Dune were together.

**Derrick: **bro, you cant avoid Claire 4eva

"I know that girl!" Plovert's voice echoed loudly. Derrick put his phone back in his pocket and turned to see Plovert half-hanging into the booth next to theirs, an excited puppy look on his face that the parents and two kids eat French fries and hamburgers did not seem to share.

"No shit, dude," Derrick said. The little boy behind them gasped and covered his ears. _Oh well, he'll hear it soon enough from Mommy and Daddy_. Derrick looked and Plovert again and shook his head. "Sit back down."

"Shhhh," Alicia said angrily and the entire table shut up.

* * *

><p>"Hey blue eyes tomorrow became yesterday,<p>

What was will never be felt again,

I fell in love with you,

Over a smile so god I was through,

Where did you come from,

Why did you come from there,"

* * *

><p>"Hey," Massie whispered, quickly sliding into the booth and turning around to watch Kristen. Derrick couldn't help but notice how different Kristen seemed. Lighter. And how happy that seemed to make Massie. He hadn't seen her so happy in a while, happy when she actually genuinely smiled. She glowed.<p>

* * *

><p>"Got yourself a woman,<p>

Do I even care?

I want you to want me the way I want you,

Ain't it strange how God fixed a plan,

To want the world to find solace,

In the bodies of a woman and man,"

* * *

><p>Alicia whistled lowly. "She's really good."<p>

"Yeah," agreed Plovert. "I don't understand any of it."

"Shut up," Claire hissed. "Some of us are trying to hear."

* * *

><p>"Come to me close boy and take my hand,<p>

And we'll fly off to a magic land."

Kristen closed her notebook. "That was it." The crowd clapped politely and Kristen blushed and bounced off the stage.

* * *

><p>"Good job, K," Massie said, grinning. "That was brilliant."<p>

"Yeah, it was fucking awesome," Kemp complimented. "What is solace, anyway?"

Kristen laughed. "How the hell did you pass your SATs with your vocabulary?"

Kemp shrugged and sipped his milkshake. "Dumb luck?"

"One part of that's right," joked Dune, slapping Kemp good-naturedly on the shoulder.

"Hey, why did someone draw unicorns and stars and flowers on my cupt?" Plovert asked suddenly, holding the cup up to eye level.

"You're shitting me," Derrick said before grabbing the cup. "She actually drew that?" He laughed. "That girl is my hero."

"Hey, it's on mine too!" Kemp exclaimed. "And she wrote _for the 12-year-olds at table five_."

"That settles it," Plovert said, getting up.

"What are you gonna do, beat her up because she revealed your actual age?" Alicia asked. Massie high-fived her.

"No. I'm getting her number."

"Ah, of course," Derrick said, rolling her eyes. "I think she's a little old for you, 12-year-old!" he called after him, which made Plovert stick them the finger and they all cracked up.

"How are we gonna split the bill?" Claire asked, sipping her Strawberry milkshake and leaning into Dune and was holding up the thin receipt. "Not everyone got something." _  
><em>"Well, Plov, Kemp and Dune got the chocolate shakes, you got the vanilla, Leesh and Dyl got the lattes and Landon got the coffee, so just pool the money together and one person pays," reasoned Kristen.

"The genius is back," Kemp said, toasting her with his Sharpie-d Styrofoam cup. "I applaud you."

"Massie, however did you convince that nice innocent bartender to do such a heinous crime?" asked Derrick innocently. Not many people would notice how his face tightened when he said it, or how intense his stare became.

"Oh, you know, I worked my charm," Massie said lightly, but she was looking slightly away.

"Massie, let's go." Everyone stopped talking and turned to look at the source of the abrupt order.

"Oh, but baby, it's only…quarter to nine." Massie looped her arms around his neck. "Can't we just stay a little longer."

"No, I really want to go."

"But we're having such a good time. And I want to see if Plov gets that girl's number."

"Then text him later." Landon set his jaw. Everyone else turned away and started random trivial questions, not wanting to witness what was happening.

"Come on," Massie whispered in his ear. "I don't get to spend that much time with them. Please."

"I'm leaving." Landon gave her a pointed look.

Massie sighed. "Then I'll catch a ride with someone else."

The look Landon shot her was pure poison before he stalked out of the booth and slammed the door of Beans & More.

"So soon?" Kemp muttered darkly, looking at the door in disgust. "I was just about to poison his coffee."

"I got it!" Plovert said loudly, grinning. "Her name is Zoey, she goes to St. Catherine's and she gave me seven pretty digits and another unicorn."

"No way," Massie commented, trying to keep the mood light. "You have to take her to Build-A-Bear."

"Nah, I was thinking more classy, something like, I dunno, Babys-R-Us? Play with all those toys?" Plovert said, sliding into Landon's empty spot without a remark.

"If you take her to Babys-R-Us, she's gonna think you're trying to get her pregnant," remarked Claire.

"Yeah, better go to Toys-R-Us," Dune suggested.

"Or play hide-n-seek in Ikea," Dylan pointed out. "Food and immaturity."

"Yes, awesome!" Plovert high-fived her. "Ikea. Brilliant."

And just like that, the night went back to being fun and carefree, just like the days in freshman year. But Massie should have known it wouldn't last.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for the ride, Leesh," Massie said and she got out of Alicia's car.<p>

"Yeah, thank God I know how to get to your house." Alicia smiled and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. The Block's estate was lit up from the inside, making it look like a small castle and the new lights on the walkway illuminated the yard and threw light back onto Alicia's face.

"Shopping tomorrow?" Massie asked. "There's a sale on cosmetics and I know you could never get lost going to the mall."

"Sure. You know I can never spend too much at the mall." Alicia's car revved and she started to pull away from the curb when she stopped suddenly. Massie was pretty sure you shouldn't do that, but Alicia knew as much about cars as she did about running. Which was to say, not a lot.

"Is everything okay between you and Landon?"

"Umm yeah." Massie toed the grass. "He was just having a bad day."

Alicia waited a minute before nodding and saying, "Okay." She pulled away from the curb fully and drove off.

"Mall tomorrow!" Massie yelled after her and she heard a faint "Okay!" in response.

Smiling to herself, she started on her way up to her house when she heard a guy call her name. It was coming from the car parked across the street.

Unease filled her stomach. "…Landon?" she called back. He blinked the headlights twice in response. Massie walked over there uncertain.

As she got closer, she could see it was Landon. "Why didn't you just Facetime me, babe? I have my Touch with me."

He clenched his jaw and Massie could tell he was pissed. "Why didn't you come with me?"

"When you left…?" Massie clarified.

"No, when I went to the moon," he spat.

"Well, I was having fun," Massie defended herself.

"It's almost midnight." He glared at her.

"I know what time it is." Then a thought occurred to her. "Have you …been here all night?"

"YES," Landon said, opening his door with sudden gusto. He got out and slammed it shut. "Why the hell were you out so late?"

"You are _not _my parent," Massie said, not believing this, "so you have no damn right to—"

"The hell I don't, of course I do!" He was agitated, his eyes cold and full of rage and the muscles all through his arms and back tightened. He looked…scary.

"I was having fun," Massie said quietly. She loved her neighborhood, but all of a sudden the tall mansions seemed to big and ominous, casting dark shadows every where.

"With Derrick?" His voice was menacing and full of loathing and Massie jerked at the sound of it.

"With _Derrick_? I _hate _Derrick!"

"Of course you do," he barked. "That's why whenever he says something you get that stupid look like he fancies you and you enjoy it!"

"What the hell? No one 'fancies' anyone!" Massie shouted back.

"Yeah, I see the way he looks at you."

"Derrick," Massie said evenly, "would never like me."

Landon was breathing hard. "You're right. Why would he ever like _you_?"

Massie stared up at him.

"You're worthless and spineless and you're a fucking whore!" He slapped her across the face. "And you never, ever listen." Massie sank to the ground, holding her hand to her face. "So next time," Landon knelt down and looked her in the eyes, "when I say we leave, we leave. And you don't stay around to fuck some other guy."

"I didn't!" Massie said and Landon breathed out hard and all of a sudden she saw his hand come out of nowhere and realized that it didn't matter what she said. He wouldn't believe her, he never had before.

She wished, a couple of nights back, a foolish wish that Derrick would be an important part of her life again. And in some twisted way, it happened. He had been the reason she let herself sink so low and now he was the catalyst for her drowning.

* * *

><p><strong>Sooo that was Massie's secret! Landon is an abusive jerk. By the way guys, abusive relationships = so not funny. SEE something, SAY something, SAVE someone. <strong>

**Well, I hope you enjoyed that! **

**By the way, Kristen's "poem" is really a song by Stana Katic (written by and sung by), who plays Kate Beckett in ABC's Castle. I just thought it was really cool :]**

**xx**

**Bree**


	10. Taken Under

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Lisi Harrison so I obviously do not own the clique

_Sorry for the late (really late *wince*) update. Please don't hate me. Read and Review? A thousand apologies 3 _

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Nine<strong>

Taken Under

* * *

><p><em>I'm breaking up with you, I'm breaking up with you, I'm breaking up with you<em>, Massie chanted unsteadily in her head, her phone in her shaky hands, Landon's number on the screen.

This was the last straw, she had promised herself last night, after she dodged Kendra and ran to her room. She'd stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom for a long time, examining the blossoming bruises on her stomach and the slowly fading red mark on her face with a detached interest. Last straw.

She'd always known Landon had a temper. He didn't play well with others. He couldn't handle competition. But this? She never expected it. Yes, in the past two months he had slowly destroyed her self-esteem with cruel comments and deprecating jokes. Yes, when they fought he'd leave messages on her phone that'd go on for at least five minutes, full of swearing and calling her a goddamned whore. He'd irritated her on purpose. He took all the joy out of her life.

Massie had to break up with him. It was clear; why hadn't she realized it two months ago? Maybe it was because he had wanted her, and though he sometimes claimed she was ugly and worthless, he'd never cheated. There'd never been another girl for him. That was kinda sweet, wasn't it?

Sighing, Massie braced herself and called Landon's number. She pulled her thin drapes out of the window to let the sun in. It was a beautiful Saturday, for October. Barely any wind, the sun shining. Massie smiled faintly. She liked the sun. She opened her windows with one hand and let it wash over her face.

"Hullo?"

Massie almost dropped her phone. The windows quickly shut and Massie pulled the blinds back in place with a ferocious force. And, just like before, her room was dark.

"Landon," she started, trying to keep her voice steady, "I'm breaking up with you."

Now, it wasn't like she expected him to burst into tears and snot-cry into the phone, but it seemed to make sense that he would apologize or make an excuse or beg for her not to do this, that he needed her. Last night, she had prepared herself to shoot down every one of those reactions. But, at first, all she got was silence.

Massie walked cautiously over to her desk and sat down in the chair. He had to be the one to say something. She was done making excuses for him. Amber eyes darted around the room like a trapped animal. This was supposed to make her feel strong and capable. Why did she feel so weak?

Then, finally, Landon reacted. He laughed.

"What?" Massie snapped, shoving the phone closer to her ear, ignoring the pain. He could not be laughing. That was impossible. "_What? _I'm breaking up with you, seriously."

Landon laughed even more. It was a dark, feral, creepy sound and the hair on the back of her neck stood. "No you're not." His voice sounded menacing and for the first time in her life, Massie felt truly afraid of him.

"Yes, I am," Massie said quietly.

"No, you're not," he repeated. "You're never gonna break up with me, because no one else would want a whore as ugly as you. God, you don't get it, do you? _No one wants you_. Do you think your friends would have cared if you left yesterday? You think you're like the fucking glue that holds that lame-ass group together but that's just a load of bullshit. You don't see it, but you don't say a fucking thing when you're with them. Two comebacks, one high-five and a couple of laughs, that's all you do."

"That's not true," whispered Massie, unaware that she was sinking to the ground. Her hand clenched on to something tightly. "You're a liar."

"I'm a liar?" _Crap. Now he's really, really angry,_ Massie thought. Landon kept going though and now Massie didn't even have to put her phone to her ear to hear what he was saying. "You're the liar, you stupid bitch. You lie to yourself everyday. You built your own damn world and _there's nothing honest about it_! You're like a two-year-old." _Shut up, shut up, shut up! _"And," Landon's breath came out raggedly and now his voice was unsteady. "If you break up with me, you're gonna go back into reality and everything's gonna fall apart. That's why you can't break up with me. You're too weak."

_Click. _

Massie stared at the phone for a minute in shock. Then she threw it against her wall and fell back to the floor, sobbing.

* * *

><p><em>Buzzz…Buzzz….Buzzz. <em>

Derrick cracked an eye open. What was that noise? He rolled over in bed, yawned and then proceeded to stuff his head under a pillow. The vibrating noise stopped. _Thank God_. He pulled the covers over him and yawned again.

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,_

_Sometimes I get a good feeling, yeah,_

_I get a feeling that I never never never never had before. _

"Damn it!" Derrick sat up in bed and kicked his covers off, running a hand through his hair. Where was his damn phone? He pulled his covers around him and walked around his room, not caring that he looked like a vampire.

Derrick's room was a mess. His mother and annoying goody-good sister were always chiding him to clean it, but whatever. He was too tired to think about anything. He slipped over a stack of comics on the floor and then again on an empty bag of pretzels him and Cam finished two weeks ago.

Who would be calling him at—he checked the clock— 10:47 in the morning? It was too early. Everyone should still be sleeping. He would be sleeping, he thought grudgingly, if he hadn't set his ringtone on so loud. Sammi's room was next to his and if he interrupted her yoga routine, she would kill him.

He yawned again and then spotted it lying on his Economics book. Oh. He grabbed it, pressed green without checking the caller ID and sank into his bed.

"Hey," the voice on the other end said.

Derrick grunted.

"Oh, man, were you still asleep?" Cam. Stupid, perky, get-up-early-in-the-morning-to-write-my-amazing-emo-songs Cam.

"What the hell man?" Derrick said groggily. "It's too early to call people who think it's too early to get up."

Cam paused for a minute. "Yeah, your brain's definitely still asleep."

"Shut the front door," mumbled Derrick. "Why the eff did you call me?"

Cam was quiet again. "Well…it's about Claire. I think I can get her back."

Derrick groaned and put his head in his hands. If it had been any other time of the day, Derrick would have had more patience and tact. "Dude, seriously. Not to be an ass, but get over her already! Every week you have a new plan to get her back and it always fails and never, ever works and then you get all depressed and then I have to make you feel better and then we talk about what a ho she can be and blah, blah, blah and then it happens _again! _I'm sorry dude, but enough is enough. Find someone else."

Derrick yawned again and shoved his phone closer to his ear, but all he heard was static. After a minute passed without Cam making a sound, Derrick mentally groaned. _Great job, Derrick, go and make your homeboy all depressed. Way to be supportive. _

"I'm sorry, Cam." He waited, but Cam still didn't answer. "Cam? Cam, I said I'm sorry. That was…harsh." _But true, _his mind protested.

"It's fine," sighed Cam. "If you were in such a shitty mood, you didn't have to pick up. I texted you. You could just texted me that you were sleeping. You know you can be a bitch when you're tired."

"It's not 'cause I'm tired Cam, it's because you can do so much better that Claire. Let's be honest, after ninth grade she turned into a ho." The words came out of Derrick's mouth in a rush, before he was fully even aware of what he was saying.

"So you're saying you want me to get closure?" Cam's voice was steady but Derrick could feel the fury building up behind it. "And, like, just forget her?"

"Well…," Derrick scratched his head, "yeah?"

Cam was quiet for a moment. "I don't think I can do that."

"Why not?" He threw himself on his bed.

"I…I…"

"You what?" Derrick said just to be nasty. He was starting to feel tired, that bone deep tired when everyone seemed to be wearing him down. He was tired of Claire's stripper act. He was tired of Cam being stuck in the past. He was tired of Landon's fucked up attitude. He was tired of Dylan being jealous he was talking to Massie again. And he was tired of everyone making their lives and his more complicated than they needed to be.

If he liked Massie, he would be with her. If Claire was still the same Claire she had been in ninth grade, she wouldn't act like such a slut and would never be with Dune. Why was everything always so complicated?

"You wouldn't get it," Cam shot back, just as nasty.

"Cam, stop being such a hormonal pregnant lady," Derrick sighed. "I'm just being straight with you. Claire does not deserve you. And you need to fucking build a bridge and get the hell over her. You don't need to make everything more complicated, okay?"

"Fuck you," Cam said venomously. "You've never been in love, okay? If you love someone, you never get over them! They are a part of you. Claire is a part of me! Would you just let Dylan walk away and forget about her?"

"If she started acting like a fucking prostitute with another guy, then hell yeah," Derrick answered wearily. Good God, why did Cam have to have such deep feelings that had to solve themselves at an unreasonable time.

"Then you don't love her." Cam's voice went up a notch and Derrick could tell he was just getting started. "Love is a connection, like a string and it keeps pulling you back to her no matter what. It's the belief that the person you love is still there, hidden beneath their clothes."

Derrick thought of Claire. _What clothes? _God, he hated that blond ho. "Cam…"

"And," continued Cam loudly, "you know you love someone if they come back into your life and all of sudden you get that kick again and then you realize it's love. If you'd let Dylan walk away, then you don't love her. Face it, Derrick, you've never been in love and you don't have anyone in your life that means that much to you. You might tell Dylan you love her but that's a lie. 'Cause if you'd let her leave your life, that's not love."

For some reason, Derrick felt an uncontrollable agitation rising in his chest. Cam didn't know what he was talking about, he was just mad, Derrick tried to reason with himself. Cam was frustrated about Claire, per usual and he didn't know what he was saying. But he couldn't help himself. "Fuck you, you asshole. You don't know anything about my life." He hung up angrily and flopped back onto his bed, already regretting blowing up at his best friend.

* * *

><p>Alicia had been honking for nearly five minutes now, but Massie hadn't noticed. Massie hadn't noticed much of anything. After Landon had hung up, Massie had crawled into her walk-in-closet. There was a small crevice between the cubby holes for her shoes and a metal rack for skirts and dresses. Little Massie used to hide in there when her parents were fighting, letting pink fluffy skirts hide her face and use her chubby hands to cover her ears. She hadn't felt the need to go there for ages, since William moved out.<p>

It was smaller than she had remembered, but Massie fit, due to some miracle. She rocked back and forth for a while, hands clamped tightly over her ears. She wasn't crying—she'd never cried in this place. This place was separate from everything else. Here, she didn't have to cry. Just hide.

* * *

><p>"Dyyyyyylan." Alicia's whining came from the loudspeaker on Dylan's iPhone, which was perched on her desk.<p>

"Aliiiicia," Dylan answered back in the same whiny tone, just to tease. "What is it?"

"I can't hear you, you're cracking up."

Dylan sighed, looking down at her Economics packet ruefully before dropping her pen and turning her speakerphone off. She'd never been one to prioritize. "What?"

"There, much better," Alicia said cheerfully.

"What's up?" If she wasn't working , she didn't have to be sitting at her desk, Dylan decided and she headed down to the living room, pausing in the kitchen to grab a Hershey bar.

"It's Massie," Alicia said matter-of-factly. "That girl is a such a diva." At this, Dylan snorted, but it sounded more like choking with a mouth full of chocolate.

"What did she do?' Dylan asked eagerly. It had been a while, years, really, since any of them had gossiped about each other with the exception of Claire and Dylan had been dying to dish about Massie.

"Oh, it's nothing that she did," Alicia said quickly.

_One…two…three…_

"Well, I mean, she basically blew me off just now." Leesh was trying to be airy and nonchalant, but she was pissed. "I mean, seriously, who does that?"

"I know right." For some reason, Dylan couldn't shake a dark deserted parking lot filled with old pick-up trucks from her mind. She took another bite of candy and propped her feet up on the leather armrest.

"She could have texted me, at least," Alicia complained. "God, it's just so rude. I was honking outside like a total LBR. Is she mad at me? Did she say something?"

"Does it matter?" The words just escaped from her mouth.

Alicia was back-pedaling now. "Well…yeah? I mean, she's my best friend. Like, no offense, I love you all to death, but Mass is my bifflé."

Dylan made a noise of agreement and pulled at a ringlet, letting the silence work its evil magic on Alicia.

"Why are you being quiet? Dylan, do you know something? You know something, don't you?"

Dylan opened her mouth, as if to speak, though she had no intention of, letting her breath reach Alicia through the phone.

"Oh my God, she _did _tell you something!" Alicia cried loudly. "Why is she mad at _me_? I didn't do anything!"

Chocolate must numb a guilty conscience because right now Dylan felt completely fine.

"That is so fucked up," Alicia started heatedly. "I mean, seriously, _I _should be mad at _her_! She has been totally out of it since Landon. He is such an arrogant asshole and she is always ditching us for him and all of sudden she doesn't text or talk half as much and whenever I talk to her she's half zoned out and what is that for friendship? Where is the mutual respect and trust? God, and she knows we don't like Landon and she _still brings him along_. Plus, last night was so embarrassing. She always has to make a fucking scene with him.

"And I know she tells Kristen more than she tells me and that's just rude. I tell her _everything_." _You tell everyone everything_, Dylan would have said normally, but this time, she just stuffed a second Hershey bar into her mouth.

"I mean I love Kristen to death," Alicia continued, "and I love Massie too, but if she can't trust me, are we even friends? And she's not nearly as playful as she used to me. I swear she has so many issues."

"Didn't her dad move out?" It should have came out as an excuse for Massie's behavior, or something in her defense, but it came out more of a bad thing, like it was Massie's fault. They were both being nasty, Dylan knew that and in her mind she saw some dragging a keg of gasoline over to the parking lot.

"I heard he did," Alicia said in a gossipy way. "But if she's going to use that as an excuse, well then she can kiss my ass." _I should stop her_, a voice in the back of Dylan's head said, _before she says something she really regrets_. Alicia was a gossip and always had steam to burn, they all knew that, but they'd always stopped her before she really got going on one of their friends. It was respectful.

"She's turning into such a Claire." Dylan's voice seemed distorted. Someone had pried the lid off the keg now.

"God, I know, right. All she cares about is Landon. It's like if she misses on text from him, it's the end of the world. Or if he has to wait for her for two seconds, she's dead. What happened to chicks before dicks, huh? And she's always fighting with him, it's _clear _she doesn't love him. And then she's with his friends or Cam or Josh or Derrick." They were pouring gasoline all over the parking lot now.

"She's always hanging out with the guys," lied Dylan.

"Yeah, she turned into such a slut." Alicia lit a match and set the entire parking lot on fire.

"A slut," agreed Dylan, allowing whatever remained of her friendship with Massie to burn up in the dark.

* * *

><p>"You shouldn't flip out on Cam, man, you know better." Plovert handed the redhead working at McDonald's a twenty and then leaned against the corner.<p>

"I know, I know," Derrick moaned, putting his head in his hands. It was noon now and Plovert had just driven Derrick and his guilty conscience into their favorite restaurant for two Big Macs and four large fries. "I feel bad, you know, but what happened to his dude shell?"

"Claire walked all over it with her five inch stilettos heels," Plovert pointed out matter-of-factly. Red slid their order across the counter and Plovert gave her a winning smile.

"Stop that," Derrick growled at him, grabbing the food and heading to a booth. "You already have a date tonight."

"Ah, but a date is not a girlfriend and therefore," Plovert slid in, flipping his hair, "no commitment." He grinned a toothy, annoying smile. Derrick was starting to regret this.

"You are so _slimy_."

Plovert flipped him the finger and then started on his burger. Derrick followed his example.

"Look," Plovert said through a mouthful of half-chewed burger, "we all know that when Claire ripped Cam's half-assed heart out for no damn reason, something in him broke. Emotionally."

Derrick made a face. Men did not talk about emotions. "Men do not talk about emotions."

Plovert flipped him the finger again. "Shut up. Cam's just a little sensitive. Claire used to be the goody girl who was all moony eyes for him and then for no reason she turned ho."

"It wasn't for no reason, she got boobs and then started to show them off and it started from there," protested Derrick, who just liked to argue with Plovert. He finished his burger and then started onto the fries. "Man, these are salty. You wanna soda?"

"Sprite, dude."

"Got it."

The front door to McDonald's clinked open. Derrick slid out of the booth and ordered a Sprite and a large cola. He wasn't an emotional guy, but he did feel bad for being such a dick to Cam.

Red, who seemed disappointed Plovert wasn't with him, seemed to take extra long to get the drinks. Derrick could hear the people who had just walked in shuffling behind him in line.

"So, did you put your girl in her place?" A voice from the newcomers group said.

"Hell, yeah," a familiar voice said and then group laughed. Derrick stole a quick peek over his shoulder, just to be sure. His hand tightened on the counter. Landon.

"God, I've been waiting for you to put that bitch in her place," Evan, one of the guys on the lacrosse team said.

"Whatcha say to her?" another nameless guy asked. A strange anger rose in Derrick. They were talking about _Massie_. _Not your problem, _he tried to remind himself.

"Just gave it to her straight," Landon said superiorly. Derrick hated how he was standing, all puffed up and smirking.

"What else did you give her?" The sentence was laced with sexual innuendo. What the hell was taking Red so long to get two drinks? Was she incompetent or something? Derrick was starting to get mad now.

"More than your girl ever got." Landon was scathing, as always. Red was back with the drinks know but Derrick didn't move. "Hello?" she said impatiently. He had to hear how the conversation ended.

"I'm surprised she wanted you inside of her," Taylor Reids said quietly from the outskirts of the group. He was part of their gang because he played lacrosse but he was more brooding than obnoxious.

Landon pushed Evan out of the way so he stood face to face with Taylor. He stared him down for a minute and then turned back to the other three guys. "Doesn't matter if she wants it," he said. "She gets it and she better like it." They all laughed, except for Taylor.

And Derrick. It took him barely a second to understand the inferred innuendo and when it hit him, he saw red. He barely registered Red's gasp when he picked up his soda and with excellent accuracy, threw it at Landon's head. It all happened in slow motion, soaring, arching, descending.

And then crashing against Landon's fucked up skull, fizzing brown liquid and ice pouring down on him like a waterfall. Landon's head snapped to the left, eyes filled with rage. And when he saw Derrick standing there, a bit of soda staining his shirt, that rage doubled.

"You bitch," he said and then jumped at Derrick.

* * *

><p><strong>Welllllll.<strong>

**Watcha think? A little Derrick-Landon showdown and what's up with our girl Massie?**

**I'm sorry x a billion for not updating sooner. I want you guys to know though, I don't take your amazing reviews for granted and I'd appreciate if you'd review.**

**I probably won't be able to update reguarly for a while. I'm going through some stuff and I don't have a lot of time to write. But I haven't forgotten Fanfiction! I'm already half done on the next chapter and I'm hoping to be up to Chapt. 11 by last week, though no promises.**

**xx**

**Bree**


	11. Actions & Consequences

_Back to updating semi-normally! Yay! *clap-clap*_

_Okayy I don't own the Clique, bla bla blaaaaa :) Just this fanfic_

_ENJOY :) _

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Eleven<strong>

Actions and Consequences

* * *

><p>"At least you didn't get banned," Plovert pointed out helpfully in between slurps of sprite.<p>

Derrick glared at him. They were sitting outside McDonald's, leaning against the cement wall. "You could have at least had my back."

"I did, bro," Plovert said. "Hey, at least you threw your own drink. For a minute there, I was worried you threw mine."

Derrick glared at him again. The entire scene was still playing in his head, a horror tape as a constant clip. Red screaming the background, his drink splattering on Landon, Landon swearing and then jumping on Derrick. Punches and kicks and then Evan pulling Derrick off of him and then punching him in the mouth and then Derrick punching him so hard he fell onto his ass.

"How did it end?"

"I got you off of Landon and Reids and another dude were helping Evan up." The lacrosse guys had been asked to leave from the manager. Apparently Red had told him that Landon started it. Derrick suspected this was mainly because she didn't want Plovert to get banned, but whatever. It worked out for him.

"Thanks for flirting with Red," Derrick told Plovert.

Plovert stared at him for a minute. "The cashier? Her name's Molly."

* * *

><p>For Alicia, a java chip frappucino with chocolate drizzle and no whip cream could solve most problems. It gave her a boost to try to understand logarithms and Pythago-blah. The chocolate always countered sadness and guilt. The chilliness always woke her up mentally. And the gritty texture just gave it a little something else.<p>

But today, the caffeine seemed to hype her up too much. She felt jittery and a strange need to tap her foot. She had the weirdest feeling in her stomach. It was like it had curled inwards. She felt disgusted and confused and really annoyed.

Guilty. She felt guilty. She might as well admit it. She leaned back into the comfy chair in the corner of Starbucks. She hoped she wouldn't see anyone at school from the mall, because a) she was alone and b) she had about zero tolerance for bullshit right now.

She knew she walked a lot in the area of moral gray, but she'd never crossed over into the blackness. Some people could be perfect and nice to everyone and polite and happy, naturally, and she just wasn't that. She was picky and moody and, yeah, okay, a _tad _bit bitchy. Her friends, though, were always there for her and seemed to enjoy her little diva-ness. Girls, her cousins in Spain taught her, could always be bitches.

"I just never meant to be one to a friend," whispered Alicia softly to her empty drink.

* * *

><p>"Cam, I don't think you should really take what Derrick says seriously." Kristen rolled her eyes. "He's always trying to be such a macho dude."<p>

Cam shook his shaggy hair out of his eyes. The two of them were at their favorite spot to hang out—the bleachers. They reminded Kristen of soccer and past triumphs. Cam said they made him rethink his life.

They looked mismatched, sitting there, a blond in skinny jeans and a Hollister jacket with Uggs and a coffee in her hand and a dark-haired boy with jeans and leather jacket and a storm brewing over his head.

"I don't know why I can't get over her," Cam said after a long pause. "God. I hate it." He put his head in his hands.

Kristen looked out at the empty soccer field for a minute. Once, she'd scored a goal in the last fifteen seconds of a match. It had been her best game and there was a scout from Notre Dame watching to boot. Kristen moistened her lips and then chose her words carefully.

"I don't think you're still in love with Claire." She turned her turquoise eyes on Cam, trying to gage his reaction. He seemed to be listening to her, his brow furrowing together adorably, like when he tried to concentrate on math or French, two subjects she tutored him in over frappucinos and Chinese food. "I think you're in love with being in love. Like, the concept."

"I don't get it." He was looking at the soccer field too and Kristen knew him well enough to know what he was thinking about. The last game of the season at the end of ninth grade. He'd scored a goal then too and at the end, Claire jumped into his arms, screaming and they kissed under the confetti. Kristen had been there too, but she had been too busy watching Dempsey Solomon to notice them.

"It's like…" She tried to think of a way to be gentle. With Cam, you always had to be careful what you said. "It's like…when you were with Claire, you were in love. And it was great. But then Claire grew out of it. She's not the same Claire she was then. And I don't think you're in love with her, I think you're in love with what you had. Like, the memory of her, really." That was delicate, she decided.

"Claire's not dead," Cam said shortly and looking away, blinking. He pulled out a fistful of grass.

"Hey, don't hurt the environment!" Kristen scolded him without thinking.

Cam smiled out of the corner of his mouth, a genuine smile. "Sorry, ma'am."

Kristen bit her tongue to keep from smiling back. "Look, about Claire…" she trailed off, wondering why she had brought Claire back into their conversation so hastily.

"Yeah, I get it. I'm in love with a memory." Cam seemed detached.

"I think…you just want someone to love you as much as she did," Kristen tried.

"Kristen, everyone wants someone to love them."

* * *

><p><strong>2:14 Alicia: <strong>joshhh

**2:14 Josh: **yeah babe

**2:15 Alicia: **remember how u told me that if i did sth that…..um ppl mite consider not nicee i hav to admit itt?

**2:17 Josh: **watcha do hon

**2:17Alicia: **i lost my temper

**2:17 Alicia: **i said sth bout a freind i shouldnt hav

**2:18 Alicia: ***friend

**2:22 Josh: **s'okay. we all say stuff we dont mean when were anrgy

**2:22 Josh: ***angry

**2:23 Alicia: **it was terrible this time tho. im such a bad person

**2:24 Josh: **no ur amazing and ur human and ppl get mad and say things they regret but u kno what thats growing up.

**2:25 Josh: **u know what else u gotta do to grow up?

**2:26 Alicia: **?

**2:26 Josh: **own up to ur actions

**2:27 Alicia: **….aplogize?

**2:30 Alicia: **i dont kno if i cann

**2:30 Josh: **u can

**2:31 Alicia: **wat if she gets mad?

**2:31 Josh: **she knows u,, itll be ok

**2:32 Alicia: **i rly dont deserve any of u

**2:32 Josh: **i love you

**2:33 Alicia: **and my stupid temper and big mouth?

**2:33 Josh: **yes J

**2:33 Josh: **oh and u kno i rly love ur mouth ;)

**2:33 Alicia: 3**

* * *

><p>Someone was knocking at Massie's door, softly, but it felt earth-shattering. Massie ignored it. <em>If it's nonsense, ignore it, <em>Kendra used to say. Ignoring things—and people—were easy. Maybe she should have just ignored every problem her entire life. Then she wouldn't have so many scars right now.

It's easier to live life tucked away in a dresser than out there in the real world, where people can twist your heart and break, where you can lose yourself, where you watch someone you love find happiness while you never do. Here, the only thing that can hurt you is a hanger poking your back.

* * *

><p>"Cam's upstairs," Mrs. Fisher said smiling.<p>

Derrick's breath was coming out in little puffs and he was jumping up and down. He'd been waiting on the Fisher's porch for fifteen minutes before ringing the bell. "Thanks," he said, crossing over the threshold.

"No problem." Mrs. Fisher closed the door behind him. Derrick took his shoes off neatly without even being asked. Everyone loved Mrs. Fisher. She was shorter than him, but always listened to their girl troubles and offered a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie. She was just genuinely warm.

And empathic. Derrick guessed that raising two boys had given her an extra sense, because she always seemed to notice when something was bothering him and always seemed to know when it was okay to ask him about and when to let him work it out on his own. And that made him respect her.

"Thanks, Mrs. F," he said again, before taking the steps to Cam's room two at a time.

He paused outside the door, took a deep breath and then knocked. "Cam, I'm sorry. I was in a shit mood, that's all." Cam didn't answer. "Did I hurt your feelings?" God, he felt like he was five. "Come on, we're bros."

It was strange that Cam's room was absolutely quiet. Derrick twisted the knob and peered in. He opened it a crack wider.

The navy sheets on Cam's bed were a twisted mess, his a billion-and-one Cds neatly stacked and his Mac was up and running, just like it always was. Empty Doritos bags and his guitar and video game controllers were strewn along the floor, but Cam was no where to be seen. Hmm. Strange.

Derrick sat down on his bed. Sheets of paper where everywhere too, completely written on with words even scrawled in the margins. Out of curiosity, Derrick picked one up. They were song lyrics.

* * *

><p><em>And I can't find the words to say everything she deserves to hear<em>

_But I can describe her damn pretty eyes and I'll catch every tear_

_Her hair is like sunlight and her laugh makes me drunk like wine _

_Her blue eyes light up and I'll die because she'll never be mine _

* * *

><p><em>For Claire<em>, Derrick thought, eyes rolling. Something caught his eye and he peered closer. He read for a moment a moment and then his eyes went wide. It was just one word in the last line, crossed out and then replaced, but it was enough to make Derrick to think that Cam was in love, but not with Claire. And that Cam knew too, and for some reason, Cam was hedging.

"Oh my God," Derrick said out loud, letting out a relieved laugh. "Cam's in denial."

* * *

><p>"Is Massie in her room?"<p>

"I don't think so, Mrs. Block."

"Well, then where is she, Inez?"

"Alicia was here earlier."

Silence. "That doesn't answer my question, Inez."

Feet shuffled. "Sorry, Mrs. Block."

"Whenever she gets back, just tell her I came by."

"Aren't you going to stay, Mrs. Block?"

"No, I have to fly back out. Midnight flight. I was just hoping to catch a few hours with Massie."

"I can call Alicia's mother, Mrs. Block."

"Oh, no, no, it's fine. Trish and I have been waiting to try out this divine new restaurant."

"Shall I make reservations, Mrs. Block?"

"Yes. It's called Merlo's."

* * *

><p>"Derrick, you missed dinner." Sammi was on him the second he walked through the door. She smelled faintly of lemon dish soap. Sammi, being the goody-two-shoes kiss-up in the family, always offered to do the dishes. For some reason, it pissed Derrick off.<p>

"I ate at Cam's," lied Derrick, trying to keep his face out of the light. He knew it must be slightly swollen by now and the only joy he got was knowing that Landon's definitely looked worse.

"Der-_rick_," Sammi whined. He'd forgotten how small she was, two or three inches tinier than him. Her pale hands went to her hips. "Seriously. I made lasagna today. You could have called."

"Do you get neck aches?" Derrick asked scathingly, kicking his shoes off and putting his jacket on the coatrack.

Sammi looked confused.

"You know, from kissing up so much?" Derrick finished.

"Funny." Sammi pursed her lips. "Hey, where are you going?" she yelled after him when he headed up the stairs.

"My room," he yelled back from the third step, still trying to shield his face from her.

"We're having a conversation. You can't just _leave_," scolded Sammi.

"Oh my fucking God, _Sammi_." Derrick turned to glare down at her, his hands tightening on the rail. "You're not my mom. Leave me alone, okay?"

Sammi's eyes went wide and she gasped. _Oh shit_. Derrick wondered if he'd been too harsh. He knew Sammi was more than a little obsessed with the concept of family. Both of his parents worked so they were never around much and Sammi had always been responsible for him.

"Your _face_," whispered Sammi. "Derrick, where you in a _fight_?"

Oh.

"No, it—"

"Don't lie to me!" Sammi screamed at him. Vaguely, Derrick wondered why his parents had come out to see the commotion. Maybe they were both in their separate dens where they always had some paperwork they had to do. Maybe they just didn't care. "Don't you fucking lie to me, Derrick Harrington!"

"Sammi—"

"No, I am up to _here _with this damn family!" Her blond hair was coming out of it's bun. Derrick felt the sudden urge to cry. "No one gives a fuck about anyone else, I get that now! You can't just get into a fight and then skip the damn day! You don't get into fights, Derrick, I thought you knew better. Those other kids, yeah, they can but, but….God, you just don't sink to that level, Derrick, do you hear me?"

Derrick opened his mouth to protest, but she just took that as ammunition.

"I raised you better than that! Yeah, _I _raised you. Mom and Dad are Mom and Dad and I love them, but I was there when you almost choked on a Lego and when you ran into the corner of the wall and I had to call the ambulance and you get stitches and a teddy bear. And you don't even talk to me anymore! And Mom and Dad just talk about work and my grades and I've been back for two weeks and we haven't done a thing together."

She was really crying now, Derrick reflected numbly. With effort, he walked softly back down the stairs.

"I was gone three months! Three months! No one calls, no one writes and I come back home and no one fucking talks and this house is always so damn cold. I'm tired." Derrick hugged her tightly, his head resting on her hair. He didn't know why, but he just stared going "Shh, shh." It seemed like the right thing to do. Sammi's entire body was shaking. "I'm tired of the silence, Derrick."

* * *

><p><strong>10:08 Alicia: <strong>Mass, you there?

**10:10 Alicia: **Massie i think we rly needa talk

**10:13 Alicia: **ur always doin stuf with landon u kno? and u got so quiet lately and i feel like u dont respect me as a freind and mass I love u to death but sth is up and u wont tell me wat so wat am i spsd to think? im not rly mad its just i wish things could go back 2 how they used to be coz i feel like i dont even kno u anymore

**10:15 Alicia: **Massie?

* * *

><p>Massie's eyelids fluttered open. For a minute, she wondered where she was but then her memory caught up with her and she felt overwhelmed. It seemed absurd how complicated her life had gotten over the last few days. If she really thought about it though, she should have seen Landon coming. He'd come on early, telling her how much he loved her within the first week and then she'd been so desperate and needy she just latched on to him. Instead of healing, she'd just grown, warped, off of him.<p>

She stood up and stretched to her full length. She wasn't a child anymore. Little Massie's safe spot didn't belong to her anymore. She was Massie Freaking Block. She could handle anything.

Right?

* * *

><p><strong>Welll...um...I don't have anything to say XD Just keep up the amazing reviews, guys. I heart you <strong>

**xx**

**Bree**


	12. Sunlight

**Disclaimer: **

I don't own the Clique. If I did, it would still be a Massington.

Sorry for the long delay! Please don't hate me. I'm only human(;

* * *

><p><strong>Sunlight<strong>

People strolling through the open air mall in downtown Westchester stopped what they were doing as a sixteen-year-old girl strutted down the middle of the sidewalk, bathed in sunlight. She had luscious auburn hair, long toned legs and piercing amber eyes that cut through you. Breathtaking. Striking.

Beautiful.

Massie was wearing an extremely short pair of red jean shorts, a white cami that left a thin strip of her belly unprotected and a loose, see-through blue blouse. Her heels were three inches tall and black. She hadn't worn them in forever, but luckily walking in heels was a talent even time couldn't take away.

"Chai latte," Massie said in a clear voice as she walked up to a Starbucks kiosk. Even the sun was shining today.

"Right away." The boy working the counter winked at her. While she waited, Massie dug around in her purse for her phone. She knew she had to have some new messages.

"Here, miss." The steaming chai latte appeared on the counter.

"Thanks," she said, smiling widely. Her hand closed around her phone and she took her chai latte to a table nearby and scrolled through her messages. With a steady thumb she deleted Landon's number. That was done. She sipped her latte. Delicious. There was a hint of ginger.

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen: <strong>hey you okay babez xx i feel like ur aura is outta whack :p jkks MWAH!

**Josh: **mass, do u know if anythings up with leesh?

**Alicia: **Mass, you there?

**Alicia: **Massie i think we rly needa talk

**Alicia: **ur always doin stuf with landon u kno? and u got so quiet lately and i feel like u dont respect me as a freind and mass I love u to death but sth is up and u wont tell me wat so wat am i spsd to think?! im not rly mad its just i wish things could go back 2 how they used to be coz i feel like i dont even kno u anymore

**Alicia: **Massie?

* * *

><p>Hmm. Strange. Massie frowned. Did she have a fight with Alicia? She didn't think so, but figuring how apathetic she had been lately and how sensitive Leesh was, there might have been something she missed. She typed out a quick reply.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Massie: <strong>I know I haven't been the same lately, but I'm better now. Of course you know me. We're best friends. I love you too. There was something, but I took care of it. Don't worry about me(:

* * *

><p>She was about to hit send when someone called her name. She saved it in drafts and turned around to see Sammi Harrington waving with Derrick off to the side, holding shopping bags and looking awkward.<p>

Sammi hurried over, leaving no choice but for Derrick to follow.

"Hey, you look gorgeous," Sammi gushed. "I've barely seen any of Derrick's friends since I got back! Who are you meeting?" The guy at the kiosk checked out Sammi.

"I'm having a me day," Massie admitted smiling. She gulped down more latte. "Wanna sit down?"

"Sure. But only for a bit. This is our first time really doing something together," Sammi explained, pointing to her and Derrick.

"And, surprise, she chose shopping," Derrick commented dryly. "For every word she's said to me, she's said two to a sales person."

"Oh, Derrick. The exaggerator. I _told _him he could bring his girlfriend along, but he was like 'No. Strictly family.'" Sammi screwed up her face trying to an impersonation of Derrick before laughing. Massie joined her, loving the lightness in the air. It felt good to laugh.

"It's really great to have you back, Sammi," Massie said honestly.

"Aw, thanks babe." Sammi patted her arm. "We should probably go. We're heading to Prada next."

"Oh, Prada," Massie said longingly. "I've been wanting to go there for so long! They have some new bags in."

"Come with us," Sammi said easily.

"I'm not intruding on a Harringtons-only get together." Massie burst out laughing. "I'm not crazy."

"Pleeeease." Sammi pouted. "I need someone's actual opinion on what I want to buy. Not just 'It all looks good. Let's go.'"

"Derrick!" admonished Massie, throwing her head back laughing. "You're terrible."

"Hey, she had like ten sundresses," protested Derrick. "Who wants to sit through all that?"

Massie raised her hand and Sammi laughed and poked her brother playfully.

"Come on, let Massie come," Sammi pleaded with Derrick. "I need my home girl's advice."

"Fine," sighed Derrick. "But just for the record, you were the one complaining we didn't spend enough time together."

"I wasn't complaining," denied Sammi, waving Derrick away. "Let's go. He's such a stinker bug sometimes."

"Oh trust me, I know." The two girls looped arms and started down the boulevard comparing stores and trading stories. Massie deliberately stayed away from the topic of Dylan or of Landon. Derrick trailed behind them, shaking his head and muttering about girls.

"Here it is!" exclaimed Sammi, coming to a stop in front of the Prada store. "Beautiful, glorious, magnificent Prada!"

"You forgot expensive," Derrick butted in.

"Shut up, Stinkerbug." Massie pinched him playfully.

Derrick raised an eyebrow. "You're in a good mood." _Compared to lately. _She'd been so serious lately.

"It's the sun," sighed Massie, not offended at all. "I think I'm high on sunlight." She splayed her arms out and twirled around giggling.

"Come on, Tinkerbelle," Sammi said, pushing open the heavy glass door and heading inside the pristine store.

"In a minute," Massie called. She twirled around a final time and then steadied herself, grinning from end to end.

Derrick watched her, laughing to himself.

"What?" Massie asked, noticing this. She smoothed her hair down self-consciously.

"Nothing. You just remind me of someone I used to know." Massie took a step forward but she was still dizzy from her little dancing antics. "Here." Derrick held out his hand. "I don't want you to fall down and break you ankle like that time in San Francisco during the ninth grade."

"We were hiking!" Massie protested. "I don't hike."

"What do you call walking in those shoes." Derrick gestured to her heels.

"That is called style and talent," Massie said taking his hand.

"If you're getting that technical, we weren't hiking in San Francisco. We were walking up a hill," Derrick teased her.

"There were a lot of hills," Massie stated. "You can't win all of them."

"Funny, cause most of us did."

Massie stuck her tongue out at him.

"Guys!" Sammi stuck her head out the store door. "Are you coming or what? Massie, they have sweet bags."

"Coming." Massie skipped, half-dragging Derrick into the store.

"You're insane," Derrick told her.

"You're just boring," Massie shot back. "Life's more if you play the game." Massie walked to one of the tables with bags splayed out on them. She lifted one up and shouldered it, checking out her reflection in the mirror. She shook her head and put it back down.

"Wise words, those slightly ironic coming from you." Derrick checked the price tag of the bag. Oh, lord. 1500 dollars . Insanity. Complete insanity.

Massie's hands froze over a different bag. "What," she asked slowly, "is that supposed to mean?"

Derrick looked up. Amber eyes were staring him down. Massie's face had gone pale. The sun seemed to leave her features. "Just, you know." Derrick shrugged uncomfortably. "You've been off since…awhile." _Since Landon_. The thought of the asswipe made Derrick grit his teeth.

Sammi swooped by. "Massie, I found a dress for you!" she sang. She waggled her perfectly plucked eyebrows as she shoved a dress on a hanger at Massie. "Oh, and Derrick, you're squishing a $1500 dollar bag."

Derrick looked down to see that he had grabbed onto the bag next to him and taken out his Landon issues on it. "Shit."

"No one will notice," Massie said, her euphoria clearly gone. She checked out the dress with detached interest.

"Hey," Derrick said quickly. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

"I'm not." Massie turned away and headed to the dressing rooms.

Derrick caught up with her. "Mass, seriously. What's up?"

"Nothing." She shrugged, expressionless.

"Seriously. I'm worried about you. I feel like…" Derrick searched for the words. "Not like I'm losing you, cause when something's lost it can be found. More like you're evaporating and this blandness is there instead." Brown eyes met amber ones with so much force even the angels were silence.

And suddenly the sun was shining again. "I'm not going away," Massie said. "I promise." When someone else puts exactly what you're feeling into words, you don't feel so alone. She smiled and headed into the dressing room.

"Okay. Cool," Derrick said to himself, nodding.

Massie paused in front of the dressing room. "Hey, Derrick?"

"Yeah?" He looked up at her.

She turned around, contemplating. "When you said earlier that I reminded you of someone you used to know—who was it?"

Memories bright and beautiful flashed through Derrick's mind. Memories he'd hoped to forget because the hardest fall was the one from heaven. "You."

Amber eyes searched him before Massie accepted that answer and headed into the dressing room.

"Massie changing?"

Derrick jumped and Sammi cackled. "Yeah," he said, somewhat begrudgingly.

"I love that girl." Sammi had at least twelve items in her arms. "She reminds me of me. She must going through a hard time. It's hard being that pretty and going through high school with acne ridden, volatile, petty, jealous teenagers. I speak from experience."

Derrick rolled her eyes. "Ego much?"

"Oh, please. Like you haven't noticed Massie's gorgeous?" His sister was doubtful. "I saw you checking her out."

"I wasn't." Derrick defended himself. Sammi was wearing a red scarf. It reminded him of Dylan's hair. _Dylan, Dylan, Dylan._

"Maybe not," allowed Sammi. "But your biggest mistake was letting her go. She's special, Derryboy. And it's only a matter of time before the rest of the world finds out."

"Don't you have clothes to try on?" Derrick asked pointedly. Sammi took the hint and headed to an open dressing room, rolling her eyes.

Derrick took his phone out and decided to text Cam, putting out all thoughts of Dylan and Massie of his mind.

* * *

><p><strong>Derrick: <strong>Camsiepanties I knowwww(:

**Cam: **…the fuck dude? Stop with your gayass nickames

**Derrick: **how very wude. ur future gf will not approve

**Cam: **?

**Derrick: **I stopped by your house and found this:

* * *

><p>Derrick attached the picture of the song lyrics he had taken last night.<p>

"Sammi, what do you think?" Massie stepped out of the dressing room, eyes peeled for Sammi. "It's kind of short." It was beautiful.

Sammi stuck her head out the changing room and whistled. "I'd kill for your boobs."

"Gah! Sammi!" If his feelings weren't confusing enough, he didn't need Sammi pointing out Massie's boobs. _Boobs, boobs, boobs. _He shook his head. _Cut it out, _he told himself. His phone vibrated, giving him a grateful distraction.

* * *

><p><strong>Cam: <strong>BASTARD!

**Derrick: **I wasn't snooping. It was just there. And your mom let me in.

**Cam: **don't bring my mother into this X(

* * *

><p>"I'm going to change back," Massie told Sammi.<p>

"Get the dress," advised Sammi. "Wait a minute, I almost got this zipped."

"Let me help you." Derrick tuned out the girl talk.

* * *

><p><strong>Derrick: <strong>Sorry. Jeez. Still doesn't change the fact that you're in love…..with Kristen(:

**Cam: **wtf?

**Derrick: **come on, admit it. You even wrote turquoise eyes and then crossed it out and replaced it with "damn pretty"

**Cam: **that was just a mistake. I wrote blue eyes later. Its for Claire.

**Derrick: **Liar, liar, skirt on fire :p

**Cam: **skirt?

**Derrick: **you definitely arent wearing pants, sissy BOOM YOU GOT OWNED

**Cam: **grow up

**Derrick: **haha but seriously cam, why arent you putting them fisher moves on kristen? I think hse likes you

**Cam: ***she and…really?

**Derrick: **grammar Nazi. And yes(:

**Cam: **that's offensive. Racist. Grandma's german

**Derrick: **liar

**Cam: **no seriously

**Derrick: **whenever someone is being racist you pull the nana card

**Cam: **this time she actually is

**Derrick: **prove it

**Cam: **her last name was Steinmeyer

**Derrick: **youre right about your grandma but your wrong about kristen. She likes you

**Cam: **I never said she didn't. :p

**Derrick: **whatever. Kristens great. Man up and do something about it before someone else does.

* * *

><p>Cam shoved his phone into his pocket.<p>

"Who was that?" Kristen asked. The two of them were kicking a ball around the deserted BOCD soccer field. They'd been playing Would You Rather until Derrick's sudden textathon interrupted them. Kristen had been juggling the ball.

Cam looked at her; really looked at her. The sun shining behind her illuminated her, making her face glow and lighting her dirty blond hair. She caught the ball, and held it under her arm. She cocked her head to the side, her hair cascading out of it's low messy bun. Dark eyeliner lined her stunning turquoise eyes.

He took a step forward and knocked the ball out of the crook of her arm.

"Cam? What are you doing?"

His multicolored eyes were filled with something indescribable. He put his hands on her waist and slowly pulled her in close. Kristen reacted magnetically, putting her hands on his chest.

"I can feel your heartbeat," she whispered.

Cam pulled her even closer so there wasn't an inch of space between them. He leaned close and then kissed her and Kristen kissed him back, her arms looping around his neck and tugging the hair at the nape of his neck. Cam's hand traced her lower back and she wrapped her legs around him. They sank to the grass. He moved his hips and then suddenly his weight was on top of her. It didn't feel like a burden though; it felt like light.

Cam moved his head back. The sun highlighted his features. His eyes were wide and his pupils were dilated. "I never knew…I never knew…"

"You never knew what?" Kristen was out of breath.

"You're so beautiful." Cam leaned back in again. His mouth was centimeters away from hers. "I just never let myself see it before."


	13. Where Did We Go?

**Where Did We Go?**

Dylan nudged the fancy oak door to the Rivera mansion close behind her. It slammed shut with a resounding thud.

"Hello?" Normally Dylan would have kicked her heels off and dropped her Gucci bag on the end table without a second thought, but now she hesitated. Whether it was the new decorations or the fact that the Monet and Van Gogh paintings were switched or that a Persian rug that covered the familiar hardwood floor, the place had lost its ease.

"Alicia?" She shifted her weight awkwardly, still in front of the door. The air seemed colder, more foreign.

Alicia's house was vast and since the expansion two summers ago took up even more room that Dylan was used to, but there were only three places Alicia would be. Her room, her bathroom or the dance studio in the back. Dylan opted for the dance studio. It felt intrusive to go up to Alicia's room, especially if she wasn't there. Which was weird, because it had never felt intrusive before.

Plus, Dylan decided, the house was creeping her out. She walked out the front door and around the back. Light was streaming through the high windows, barely making a difference to the rest of the world in the late afternoon, but all the difference to Dylan.

She knocked on the smooth wood door and it swung inwards.

Alicia was in her dance clothesspandex and a loose t-shirtsitting on a beanbag with her back straight. Like her mother, Alicia didn't believe in sloppy posture for anything. Her hair was in a messy bun and her mascara free eyes were trained on the plasma screen TV hanging in the corner. Dylan caught a thousand reflections of her in the mirrored walls. She looked different.

"Alicia?"

Alicia jumped, a startled expression on her face. "Oh, Dyl. Hey," she said when she saw Dylan standing in the doorway. "Come in." She grabbed a remote next to her and clicked pause. Images of dancers froze on the screen. Alicia was recognizable immediatelyfront and center, the only dancer without a forced smile or noticeable sweat.

"What's that?" Dylan dragged a blue bean bag over and sank into it.

"A practice video," Alicia said in a distracted voice. "From two nights ago."

"I thought you always looked at those the day after." Alicia was anal about her dance routines and had a very tight, nonnegotiable schedule.

"I forgot." Her voice was still unfocused.

"Leesh?" Dylan tried to get comfortable, but the beanbag kept shifting underneath her. "Why did you text me to come over?"

Alicia turned the television and walked over to the small mini-fridge in the corner. Dylan couldn't help admiring and hating her lithe dancer legs at the same time. It had taken a long time and Dylan hated to admit it, but also a little therapy, to get over her weight issues. But even though she knew she wasn't fat, she also knew she'd never have a body like Alicia's, even if, by some miracle, she was capable of dancing to the same degree as Alicia. There are things you were born with that you just couldn't change.

"Water?" Alicia offered, holding out a mineral water bottle.

"No, thanks."

She shut the fridge and sauntered back to her beanbag. Alicia cracked open her bottle and drained half of it. She wiped her mouth with the hem of shirt, something she'd never do in public or in front of Josh.

"So," Dylan said. "What's up?" Everything was offher voice, her heartbeat, her humor.

Alicia turned the water bottle over in her hands, her eyes downcast. "I feel guilty?"

"Why?" Dylan was alarmed. "Did you cheat on Josh? Leesh"

"It's not," Alicia said, "about Josh." Dylan's mouth dried. She could guess who it was about. "It's about Massie."

"What about Massie?" The dance studio was too revealing. She couldn't look away without seeing herself, or Alicia.

"Dyl, I think something's wrong with her."

"Besides her putting Landon ahead of us every single day?" Dylan's voice was rough. _And flirting with my boyfriend. _

Alicia tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear. Her was earnest and young. "I'm being serious." "So am I."

"No, you're not. What's up with you anyways? It's like you're mad at her or something."

"So were you," Dylan shot back. "You basically said that last time we talked."

Alicia's natural tan went deep red. "I didn't mean it! You know that. I was pissed, I had a lot of steam. I thought it was the same for you."

"Well," her voice shook, "it wasn't."

Both girls were quiet for a moment.

"Is this because of Derrick?" Alicia's voice was soft. "Because, Dylan, he would never, ever"

"It's not." Her voice pitched up. "It's not."

"I'm still your friend, Dyl. I'll always be that."

Why were there so many mirrors? She couldn't find a place to look without seeing Alicia's eyes.

"Dylan, seriously. I'll never judge you. You never judged me. Remember that time I met that guy at the beach two summers ago? The one who was really hot? And we flirted? And I felt this quick connection with him, like fire on a wire? And I told you, I told you that I loved Josh but if the other guy had asked, I probably would have spent the night cheating on Josh?

"And I felt terrible, but you told me I was only human and we weren't perfect and it wasn't a good thing, but it wasn't bad either. You didn't judge me at all. You didn't look at me like I was disgusting. You helped me reflect on myself and me and Josh and we changed some things. And last summer, we ran into him again and I didn't even care, because things between me and Josh were so much better?"

"This is different." Dylan's voice was robotic. She turned to face Alicia. "I think there's something still between Massie and Derrick." Tears started to build up behind her eyes. "And don't tell me I'm being paranoid because this time I'm not. I know because I can feel it. They still have whatever they had in ninth grade. I wonder"She looked up at the ceiling, blinking back the salty tears "I wonder if this is some cosmic punishment, because I went after a guy I knew my best friend was still in love with after all those years. I knew, but I just didn't care. It didn't seem important. And now I feel awful because it _was _important. Am I terrible person?"

"No." Alicia leaned over and hugged Dylan. She was warm and comforting and as familiar as Dylan's old blankie. "No, of course you're not. When you're in love with someone, you don't think, even when you should. And Derrick liked you, too. And you two were great together in a lot of ways Massie and Derrick weren't."

"But it's all my fault," Dylan said into Alicia's shoulder. "She still loves him! Can't you see it? I did. They'd gone for years without speaking and just two words and it's back."

"What's back?" Alicia was genuinely curious.

"Their god-freaking-damned chemistry. Their stupid connection. We were great together in a lot of ways they weren't, but they were good in all the ways that counted."

"Dylan, listen to me." Her voice was firm. She took Dylan by the shoulders and made her look her in the eyes. "It's not a choice, okay? It's not comparing who's better. You are not worse than Massie. She could never have the ease with people that you do. She doesn't have your humor or your hair."

Dylan laughed a bit.

"And maybe she has a connection with Derrick, but you'll have that same connection with someone else. And when you meet him, none of this will matter. It's like," Alicia searched for the words, "you and Derrick?you guys were fire on a very long wire. That's something amazing and special. And when that wire ends, you might still be friends. You probably will.

"But in ten years, you won't still wake up, wishing you guys hadn't ended. Massie will. Because they have something that runs deep than a wire and burns brighter than fire. Something that leaves a mark that you could never forget. And you'll have that with someone else. Someone you'll never worry about. Someone who loves you in ways you didn't know existed."

"Is that what it's like for you?" Dylan asked. "Being with Josh?"

Alicia hesitated. "I don't know yet. But I love him the best I can right now."

Dylan let that sink in. "Thank you. That really helped." She stood up and opened the door.

Alicia scrambled to her feet. "Where are you going?"

"I have some things to do." Dylan paused. "Thanks, though. Really. That helped a lot, Alicia."

The door shut in the quietest way, leaving Alicia with a thousand reflections of her confused face.

* * *

><p>The mall was strangely empty for a weekend. Dylan stirred her straw in her pink lemonade, leaning back in the metal food court chair. Her teriyaki chicken and rice was steaming in front of her. Nowadays, Dylan didn't abuse food the way she used to, but still, it brought her comfort and helped her think. She liked the food court too; it reminded her of eighth grade.<p>

A girl and her father passed Dylan, both carrying bulging Barnes and Noble bags. Guilt shot through Dylan as she thought of her stack of textbooks at home, waiting for her. She still had to finish her essay. Her mother definitely wouldn't be happy if that wasn't done.

"Fuck," Dylan whispered, because there was a family with small kids a table over. With all the Massie, Derrick and Alicia drama she'd forgotten about that academic nut of a mother she had, but that bliss would pass. Merri-Lee did not let herself fade into the background of someone else's life.

_It's so unfair. _She highly doubted anyone else had this much crap to deal with at the moment. Not to mention, Dylan frowned, her stomach churning and cramping up painfully, her period was definitely coming some time soon.

Joy. Pimples and bloating and bleeding on top of already feeling insecure about her relationship, on top of tension with one of her best friends, on top of stress about school. For a minute, the feeling of absolute helplessness took over Dylan and she almost did what she'd done before to cope–stand up, throw her food away, find the nearest bathroom and stick her finger down her throat.

But, straightening up, Dylan didn't. She purposely dragged her tray closer to her and took a bite, not to spite herself, but to regain a sense of control. She was confident, she was _content_. Being perfect and skinny to the bone and a genius weren't things everybody could be, she reminded herself. Dylan was a hardworker. She had goals. Even if she failed her essay, she still had a future. She could paint, something she'd found out last summer when she took a class for fun at the local college. It taken a long time, but Dylan knew she was important now, maybe not in the ways she wanted to be, but in ways that counted. Everything with Massie and Derrick and Derrick and Massie had spun that confidence around, warped it, but it didn't have to be that way.

The conversation with Alicia earlier bounced around in her head. She had been right; it wasn't about comparison. It didn't have to be.

"Dylan?"

Her head snapped up to see Claire standing in front of her, dressed to the nines, hair in a fancy up-do and a hint of make-up. Still, even though her friend was standing in front of Dylan, blinking those round blue eyes, she almost didn't believe it _was_ Claire. The blonde's notorious accessory–Dune locked on her mouth–was gone.

"Hi, Claire," Dylan said slowly, eyes questioning.

"Dune's away," Claire sighed, sinking into the chair across Dylan and grabbing a piece of chicken. She tossed it in her mouth and chewed loudly. That was a habit Claire had never been able to break.

Dylan hid a smile, amused. This was almost like old, pre-sluthood Claire. Funny how it seemed Dylan let go of her old self just as Claire was starting to embrace hers. "Where?"

"Surf tournament in Santa Monica. Honestly, I wish he'd tell me these things at least 24-hours in advance, you know? Like, is that too much to ask?"

Dylan shrugged. "It's Dune. He has a short attention span."

Claire's mouth turned up in a devilish grin, another piece of chicken between her teeths. "You know that's right."

Dylan rolled her eyes and smacked her friend's hand away. "If you're going to eat my food, at least get a fork, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah." Claire got up and disappeared in the direction of the salad bar, leaving her tote on the chair next to Dylan. _So she's coming back._

Tentatively, Dylan picked up her fork again and shoveled a pile of rice into her mouth. It was a strange day, she reflected, chewing slowly. The food tasted good, the way it was supposed to taste; full of spices and flavors and layers and texture, not hate and love and desperation. Being here, with Claire. Thinking about happiness, about deserving happiness.

Vaguely Dylan wondered if it was all a sign, a sign it was time to let go and let ghosts live in the past and move on in her life. With or without certain people.

Claire came back, fork and napkins in hand and a big grin on her face, the smile that used to be her trademark before a lipsticked smirk took it's place. "Am I good enough to eat your food now, Dyl?"

"Course." Dylan nudged the tray in between them and they dug in, Claire launching off into a story about how stupid Todd was. _See, sharing's not so bad_, she reflected, munching on her food as Claire gestured wildly in front of her.

* * *

><p>"I'm so sorry," Sammi was saying as she got out of the backseat—she'd insisted Massie ride shotgun. Luckily Massie hadn't driven to the outlet with her own car, because, knowing Sammi, she would have made Massie leave her car. "I'm such an airhead." Sammi's head was still in her purse, searching around for something. "Thanks for dropping me off here, Derrick."<p>

Finally, she looked up and closed the door before moving up to the driver's seat. Derrick tapped his fingers on the wheel impatiently. "What do you want know?"

"Nothing, little bro," she said sweetly, before leaning in and whispering, "Thank you for today. It really was nice."

"Yeah, yeah," he said gruffly, but his face softened. "I promise we'll do this more."

"Okay." She ruffled his hair and then leaned away, waving to Massie. "Have fun, kids. Be a gentleman, Derryboy."

"Sorry you have to make two trips," Massie said as Derrick pulled out of his driveway.

"It's fine. This is what you get when you trust Sammi with directions." To be honest, he'd forgotten about dropping Massie off at her house. The entire day it had felt so organic to have her next to him, he hadn't even realized it would have to end and they would have to go on to lead their separate lives.

"She just wants me to stay," Massie said, laughing, "so someone can give her _good advice _on outfits."

"Hey! And I'm sure my mom would frown on you living in her closet."

"Your mom loves me."

"She's on medication, her judgment's not clear."

"Bullshit, Harrington. Your mom wouldn't take a Tylenol let alone prescription medication."

Derrick laughed. It was true. "Okay, fine—wait left or right up here?"

"Straight," Massie said, leaning forward. Her hair fell forward and she impatiently pushed it back. Derrick tried not to concentrate on the curves of her legs as she shifted around in the front seat.

"Right." He cleared his throat and focused on the road. "Just give me directions after that. I forgot where your house is."

"It's fine." There was something off with her voice, a slight wobble.

Derrick turned, surprised. "Hey, don't be insulted. I barely remember how to get to Dylan's house." Oh, shit. Why did he bring up Dylan—she's your _girlfriend _a voice in the back of his head screamed at him.

"Oh, it's not that—" Massie broke off and looked out the window, expression glazed.

"Well, what is it?" He hated that she was playing mind games with him, teasing a little insight, a little depth into her and then taking it away. After the intersection, Derrick pulled the car to the side of the road and parked.

"What are you—"

"Seriously," Derrick said, turning to face her. "Tell me what's up."

"Derrick."

"I mean it."

"You're making a big deal out of nothing," she said with a heavy sigh.

"Don't care."

"Stubborn jackass."

He raised an eyebrow. "Fine. Ice-cold bitch."

"Okay, this is stupid." Massie rolled her eyes. After a moment of contemplation, she unbuckled her seat belt and turned to face Derrick, her legs pulling up into criss-cross-applesauce. "It's just…I don't really want to go home, okay? No big whoop. It sucks, but whatever." She threw her hand out in mockery of a grand gesture. "Drive on, good sir. My palace awaits." The words dripped with bitterness.

"Hey," Derrick said softly, turning back to the wheel. "You don't have to go home if you don't want to. We can do something."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He ignored the rapid beats of his heart, the way his entire body felt like a car seconds before accelerating. "Yeah, we can do whatever you want." Above them, the clouds started to roll over ominously and he heard an echo of thunder in the distance.

"Ok." Hesitantly, Massie sat back and tentatively and strapped herself back in.

"So where to, milady?"

That made her smile. "Sonic."

"Milkshakes? I'm in." He pulled the car out of park and made a quick and possibly illegal u-turn. The strangest feeling came over him and he knew it came over Massie too because their expressions both stilled at the same time. It felt like a day out of someone else's life, like he'd always been driving around with Massie, avoiding their respective homes, laughing and teasing and going to Sonic. But today wasn't anything ordinary—it had been an extraordinary surprise, a gift almost and it pained him that it wasn't the norm. He was just starting to realize how much he would have enjoyed a life with Massie in it.

"Oh, God," Massie whispered, putting a hand to her forehead. Her eyes were blazing but her voice was quiet enough that Derrick could pretend he didn't hear, pretend they both didn't screw up. "Where did we go, where did we go?" She kept repeating that in frantic whispers.

_Wrong_, Derrick was tempted to add. _Where the hell did we go wrong?_

* * *

><p>"Oh, come on," Claire almost pleaded, her hands on Dylan's tote and eyes wide, blinking. "Let's stay a little longer. It's been so much <em>fun<em>."

Dylan laughed. "I know, it really has. But I have so much schoolwork." Already she was dreading going home, the unfinished word documents on her desktop, the math packet with blank answer boxes, the dog-eared page in _The Awakening _whispering to her reminders of tomorrow's quiz.

"Boo-hoo," Claire said, rolling her eyes. "Fuck school, y'know?" She stood up straight. "Dyl, we're seventeen and fabulous. Let's live a little."

"Whoa there." The two girls were already exiting the mall, so despite Claire's pleads, she must have realized that Dylan was indeed going home. "Calm down, girl. Dune's in Malibu, remember?" Everything crazy about Claire was connected to Dune and the sudden reemergence of Orlando Claire had Dylan thinking that possibly the craziness only existed with Dune. Funny how it worked out, that when you threw two mellow people together, they burst like a piñata and showered recklessness on the crowd.

"Yeah, I know, but…ugh. I just don't want to go home, y'know?" It wasn't that Claire had a bad home. As a matter of fact, she loved her family to bits. But they were ordinary, calm, reliable. Tonight, Claire just wanted to be out with friends and forget herself. Suddenly, she perked up. "Hey, maybe I can help you?"

Dylan stopped walking. She could make out her car in the empty parking lot, but Claire's words left her stumped. "Like….with my homework?" What she really wanted to say was, _you, help with IB work? _but there was no way that couldn't be rude.

"Sure. Like, I can make you snacks or just talk, or whatever. I'm very good at math." This was true.

Actually, as Dylan mulled the thought over, rooted on the gray pavement while Claire bounced impatiently on the balls of her feet, it wasn't that bad. She didn't want to lose Old Claire so soon. And company could make the schoolwork easier, the way your mother squeezing your hand made the medicine taste a little better.

"Sure," Dylan said and she started walking again, a strange happy feeling in her chest. "I'll drive."

"_Awesome_," Claire sang, jumping and giving a little kick in the air. "Hey, do you know if you have gummy-bears?"


End file.
